My name is Karen. I am a mother in my 30's in a committed relationship and I am a swinger.
I know the word swinger brings all sorts of things to mind. Swinging may not be something that is the majority, but I have met swingers from all walks of life: doctors, nurses, real estate agents, IT geeks, retail workers, hairstylists, HR staff, engineers, convenience store workers... you name it.
Swinging is consensual sex with others with permission while being in a committed relationship.
Swinging is not cheating. Swinging is not like polyamory.
There are no emotional entanglements when we hook-up with others outside of the relationship. It is just sex.
Guest post by Karen Blue
When you think of masturbation, what image pops into your mind? Do you think of yourself or of a partner or a performer? Shilo McCabe would like to offer you some variety. More diversity in images of who and how we masturbate. Masturbation is a powerful tool for self knowledge and sexual exploration available to all.
If we are to believe the mainstream media only a very small percentage of people get to enjoy sexual pleasure. You should be thin, you should be white, you should be in a heterosexual relationship. Over and over again that is who we see as sexual. We need to disrupt this pattern. Everyone deserves sexual pleasure if they want it. Any body can be a sexy body. Pleasure is literally waiting for us at the tips of our fingers or the length of our favorite sex toy. Let's diversify the media and increase the self-love!
"I masturbate..." is a photography project created by Queer Feminist Photographer, Shilo Mccabe in celebration of National Masturbation Month, consisting of sex-positive photos of people masturbating and sharing personal stories that complete the phrase "I masturbate..."
Guest post by Airial Clark, The Sex Positive Parent
It is 6 inches and a creamy white plastic, surrounded now by the detritus of its plain brown wrapping. Me and Kate stare, giggling.
Masturbation was about to take a leap into a new and exciting phase.
It’s 1986 and we are just across the threshold into our twenties. Bestest of best friends and flatmates, this purchase with all its glamour of the forbidden, also offered a convenient way to do what we both liked doing.
Because if your hands and arms don’t move in the average way, a session of self-love is not a simple matter.
It had taken several weeks build up to get to this point. Kate saw the advert in a women’s magazine, one of those tiny ads, which exclaim ‘personal massager for all over relaxing relief’.
Guest post by Penny Pepper
Trust me, you aren't the only person having trouble reaching orgasm. This goes for all genders and orientations.
According to AskMen.com 54% of female respondents reported faking an orgasm, and 26% said they fake it every time they have sex. Of the men asked, 34% said they'd faked it at least once.
So let's start there. You're not alone and we all know the journey can definitely be just as mind-blowing as the final destination. The over-all theme of this post is to embrace the authentic experience, enjoy the ride and communicate. In this particular instance we don't recommend 'faking it until you make it' because if everyone fakes it, no one is ever going to know how to do it right.
There are many great reasons to not fake an orgasm, we'll start with five - because you don't have all day... you could be practicing some self-love.
Guest post by Monika Thomas
Are you curious what the stars have in store for the year ahead? Things are heating up and we hope it's not just global warming. Maybe this Glass Intimo Fire Snake Dildo (pictured, 2013 is the Year of the Snake) and lots of warming lube have something to do with it?
Whether you're a true believer or just a little curious, we hope you enjoy these horoscopes with some ideas for getting sexy as the main theme.
What's your sign? We've consulted the Cosmic Courtesan herself, Yolanda Shoshana. She's looked to the stars to guide us into the months ahead.
Enjoy these sexy predictions and inspirations plus sexy suggestions will help to make all your wishes come true.
Guest blog by Yolanda Shoshana
Everybody stared at me. It’s what people do when you’re different. I was a wheelchair user, and as I turned 18, I wanted the staring to be for something other than my wheelchair. So I took to punk, in ripped stockings, red hair, blonde hair… hair of multi-coloured styles. Stare on, I declared to the world. I’m here to shock!
But this occasion presented me with a new twist.
I’d left the record shop, clutching a precious 12", and a woman, gawping at me, bent down with a huge grin.
‘I have to ask. Can you… do it?’
My face flushed as red as my hair.
She persisted into my silence. ‘You know, sex. What with your er … situation.’
‘**** off,’ I said with my best punk sneer, and she had the nerve to tell me off for rudeness before stomping off. But inside a mixture of anger and despair made me want to slink into a corner with my Sex Pistols LP.
Guest blog by Penny Pepper
For several years I had been planning a literary novel inspired by my time as a professional dominatrix, a moonlighting I had undertaken to help fund several unpaid media internships. During this time, I had also found myself embroiled in a deleterious BDSM love affair, which almost threatened to ‘unmake’ me.
Then Fifty Shades broke its fervid wave upon popular literature’s shore, and suddenly the market craved erotica.
After writing a small piece for Stylist magazine on sexual submission, I was approached, more or less overnight by Hodder & Stoughton, to write a real-life sex memoir chronicling my time as a professional domme and a personal submissive. I signed the contract, and six weeks later, I had spun out 90,000 words, some filthy, some funny, most cathartic, for I was still mourning the loss of the most exquisite and kinky sex I had ever had.
From using a strap-on on a man, to being spanked to orgasm, Bound to You is the only new erotic book out there exploring the trajectory from dominator to dominated, both psychologically and physically.
In this scene, Nichi finally gets her dominant due. The night before, Nichi and Sebastian sleep together for the first time; desperately, passionately, but not kinkily. But the next morning, Sebastian gives Nichi what she has been craving.
Guest blog by Nichi Hodgson
Sometimes it seems there can be a real 'us' and 'them' attitude, when it comes to vanillas (people who engage in conventional sex, often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities) and kinksters (according to Wikipedia: "Kinky practices go beyond what are considered conventional 'vanilla' sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners.")
If you’re one you can’t be the other, right? You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the opposing side... It’s also assumed if you’re on one side you think the other is less than worthy.
Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.
"Vanillas" might not be as open about sexual proclivities, but that doesn't mean what they do in private is much different from activities kinky people engage in. Crossing over to the kinky side is not necessarily black and white.
I can’t tell you how many times a self-identified vanilla has asked me, “How do I tell my partner I want some new things in bed? I’ve never told them I like some light spanks and nibbles. I’d love for them to take charge a bit more and be more demanding. I also really enjoy role-playing, but I don’t think I’m into, like, *makes the face* BDSM or anything. All that crazy stuff is just too freaky for me!”
I’m not sure what most people think BDSM is? Let’s break down the acronym and examine a few “other side” observations about BDSM.
Guest post by Sunny Megatron
The Dark Garden was originally published in 2007. As someone who has been involved in BDSM practice most of my adult life, this was a true book of my heart. I wanted to present my perception of BDSM - my truth about what it is to me, the psychology of it, the intensity of kink relationships - in a way readers might find approachable. I wanted to show the sensual side of kink, because it’s not all about whips and chains (although I do have a particular love for chains!). But back to the present…
The Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon has given us, the kink authors who are actually kinky, the freedom to write more of these stories fueled by our own experiences, as well as our lovely, dark, as-yet-to-be-met fantasies, and to share that delicious dark side of sensuality with you. The Dark Garden is a fairly even mix of those elements.
As a real life switch, it’s always been a challenge for me to submit. This scene-and in fact, this entire book-is about that struggle to get what we want, but feel we can’t have, for whatever reasons -the fear of losing control no matter how badly we need to. And what can happen when the right man comes along to help us find that freedom.
Guest post by Eden Bradley
I spent 10 years working as a high-class escort, and in 2009 my autobiography The Girlfriend Experience was published documenting my sexcapades. I’m currently working on a sex tips book and a book titled Why Husbands Stray.
My sex experience is literally hands on, and I learnt a lot about sex and what men want during my time as an escort, and it’s probably not what you think!
Guest post by sexpert Rebecca Dakin