Although generous to a fault, Santa draws the line at sexy gifts, leaving it up to you to cross 'sex toy' off your husband or boyfriend's Christmas list.
Undoubtedly your partner's perfect stroker, love ring or prostate massager exists somewhere within Lovehoney's toy trove. But with so many to choose from and limited alone time for clandestine purchasing, it's important to shop smart. That's why we've created this quiz!
A mere seven questions will funnel you from magnitudinous multiple choices to a single perfect product. Each of the potential recommended gifts are top-rated toys so as to minimise the chances of a poor choice.
Just be careful your lover doesn't already have the recommended item. If they do, simply give the quiz another go with a few altered answers.
So, you ask your special someone what they want for Christmas, and they give you this sweet-but-useless reply:
"Oh, anything honey. As long as I get to spend time with you..." (All together now... Aaaaawww.)
Sound familiar? Never fear - Lovehoney is here!
With over a decade of experience selling sex toys at Christmas, we know a thing or two about the toys that'll get you Rocking Around the Chistmas Tree, but which one is best for your relationship?
To help you decide, and to take the stress out of your Christmas shopping, we've compiled this 7-question gift finder. Simply answer each question to tell us a bit about your partner and we'll figure out (with utmost scientific accuracy) which of our best-selling couples toys is the perfect match for your perfect match.
Forget Silent Nights. Add a different kind of spice to your Christmas celebrations and get ready to have your bells well and truly jingled!
You've sorted the big presents, you've sorted the pet's presents, you've sorted the in-law's presents (sigh), and you've even sorted the kids' teachers' presents: you are totally owning this whole Christmas shopping thing.
Now comes the fun bit: the stocking fillers!
Veer away from boring socks, put down the personalised pens and instead buy your partner a stocking filler they actually want.
We've selected the very best sexy gifts and all of them are under a tenner. Bargain!
All you have to do is take our quiz to find out which sexy prezzie is guaranteed to go down a storm with your significant other based on their likes and dislikes.
Perhaps make a mental note not to let them open it in front of the whole family...
Sex toys are emotionally charged gifts, conveying how intimately you know your lover’s tastes and desires, and thus sex toy gifts at Christmas can be a tricky business.
Get it right and you’ll be showered with praise, compassion, and most of all, sex, while a moment’s misjudgement can cause embarrassment or even offence.
Never ones to stand idly by while their fellow humans suffer solo, we’ve created this helpful quiz to help you come up trumps with the perfect toy for your lady.
Seven questions will expertly steer you through the choppy storms of confusion to the beachy inlet of understanding, with a perfect pleasure purchase revealed at the end.
There are eight products that could be potentially turned up by our diagnostic algorithm.
Each one is a top-ranking best-seller on the Lovehoney site, minimising the likelihood of a poor pick. Just make sure your lover doesn’t already have one and you’re a shoo-in.
Buying sexy underwear for your wife or girlfriend can seem like a totally daunting task. From bustiers, to basques, bras to bodystockings, it can be incredibly difficult to determine not only what your partner would like, but what would suit them, and what they would feel most comfortable wearing.
Luckily, we've created a simple and stress-free way to determine what kind of lingerie your lady woud love for this festive season: a quiz!
Containing seven questions (and not an algebraic formula in sight) that will determine your lover's likes and dislikes, this Christmas questionnaire will do all the hard work for you, and offer the perfect present from our lingerie collection based on your answers.
All you need to find out before you take the quiz is your partner's bra and dress size (which you can do by having a quick snoop at the labels in her underwear drawer), and pick one of the multiple choice answers for each question to reveal your sexy solution.
As you can probably imagine, working for an online sex toy retailer (and the biggest in the UK, I might add) comes with some pretty interesting job responsibilities.
Between practicing orgasm faces with colleagues, deciding whether something is actually NSFW for other workplaces and writing 'To Do' lists that would make even Masters & Johnson blush, we still have a little time left for other fun (totally work related) things.
You may have noticed that Bondage Boutique has recently undergone a makeover and is now speckled with lots of lovely new images and a pair of brand spanking new models - literally!
Most of the the time, when you see photos of bondage gear it's a shot of the product on its own, which can make it hard to visualise the kit actually being used.
Alternatively, when bondage product images involve a model, they very often end up super pornographic. *Sigh*
So we were given the challenge to re-shoot our top-selling Bondage Boutique products on models without making it look like Lovehoney were branching out into 'adult DVDs', and with nothing to go on except our own (brilliant!) ideas.
The shoot lasted 3 days and, as Lovehoney's resident bondage expert, I was on hand to make sure each product was photographed in its best light, accurately, and that the models felt comfortable and safe.
To give you a little insight into my job and the general goings on at LHHQ, I've compiled some of my favourite behind the scenes outtakes for you to enjoy...
Sex toy brand names are a broad-ranging bunch. For every Belladonna’s Bitch Fist or Anal Fantasy Ass-gasm, there is the milder Starlight Gems or Pearl Shine.
In fact, some feature terms so mild that many of your friends and co-workers could be repeatedly referencing sex toys without even knowing it. What a fan-flipping-tastic opportunity for a game of Sex Toy Bingo.
If you’re having a slow week at work, now’s your chance to pally up with a colleague for a head to head battle of the sexy-terms.
Alternatively, if you don't feel like risking your career and reputation you can also get your game on with a partner or housemate while watching the new series of The Apprentice.
Print out these two bingo sheets, pass one along to your friend, and prepare to listen like you’ve never listened before.
Ever wondered why you and your partner want sex at different times? It's not just them being awkward, it's biology.
According to our survey of 2,300 people, men and women's peak times for horniness occur 15 hours apart... Nightmare.
A whopping 78% of men and 69% of women admitted they desire sex most at different times of the day to their partner.
And what are these magical times that bring each of the sexes to life with lust? Well, if you're a man, it's all about the morning glory. Men prefer to wake and shake between 6am and 9am with 7.53am being the optimal time for horizontal refreshment. For women, it appears that nocturnal nooky is the favourite. The hours between 11pm and 2am are most popular for females with 11.21pm being the most moist minute.
I guess it's true what they say: men are from Mars and women are from Venus and the two planets appear to operate in different timezones.
It's not something you hear everyday, but felt craft just got a whole lot sexier.
Introducing Madame Roxy's Erotic Emporium - the Soho sex shop made entirely of felt - brought to you by artist Lucy Sparrow.
The art installation, which will be open to the public until 17th October, took six months to create and every single sex toy, condom and bondage item on the shelves (around 5,000 in total) was stitched by Lucy's nimble fingers.
Queen of felt Lucy hopes that the erotic exhibit will challenge society's 'Victorian attitudes' towards sex, particularly the commercialisation of London's provocative Soho area.
She explained: "While London's Soho undergoes sterilisation with strip clubs and sex shops being swept away in favour of trendy wine bars and hipster coffee shops, so Britain's laws on pornography are also being cleansed."
See if you can spot some of your most-loved Lovehoney products in the snaps below.
SPOILER ALERT: Do not read this if you haven't seen episode four of Humans.
If you were one of the five million people who saw that sex scene on Channel 4's Humans a few weeks ago, then you'll have no trouble imagining a human having sex with a robot. The scene caused a lot of stir on the internet and for many, it all seemed a bit too close for comfort.
Bumping uglies with synthetic humans is no new phenomenon, with thousands of sex dolls on the market offering varying levels of authenticity. They're closer to the physical experience of having sex than handheld masturbators or sex toys and are something that many people are keen to 'explore'.
Those lucky enough to own a high-end doll, such as a Teddy Babe, may even find that they are much more than a means for sexual fulfilment. For many, these dolls evolve into so much more than a large male masturbator - offering companionship, passion and in some cases, romance.