TIT WANK! Thought that would get your attention. Our recent advice guide, How To Give a Tit Wank? has proven a popular subject with search engines on and off the site. Unfortunately single men are going to be missing out on their tit job action and it’s clear that the sex toy industry finds this just as unfair as they do.
We’ve seen a lot of boobie masturbators at Lovehoney in various sizes, but as a good breast stroke is generally part of foreplay and not the main event, you might consider purchasing a big pair of prosthetic breasts a little rich for your means.
So what if you had a pair of boobs that could not only offer you a satisfying and slippery titwank but could also give you a realistic vaginal penetration to mix things up? You know where this is going, don’t you? From my favourite makers of weird and wonderful toys - Pipedream - comes the Pipedream Extreme Realistic Vagina and Tits Male Masturbator...
There is no test case to cite in support of the legal mortality status of zombies, but as a zombie is capable of consent then the rules of necrophilia cannot apply to a zombie-human sexual relationship. There is likely to be debate as to whether zombie-human relationships classify as being interspecies relationships, but as zombies are considered to be humans suffering from an infection there are no such legal restrictions preventing a relationship between humans and zombies.
When it comes to sex, there are some new safety rules you need to take into account. Zombie viruses can be transmitted via kissing, oral sex and penetrative sex so it’s vital to be extra careful when it comes to continuing your love life. You’ll need to avoid all of your boyfriend’s fluids - not just the sexual ones, so avoid contact with his face and ensure any wounds are securely bandaged before engaging in sexual contact. And I think this goes without saying, but condoms are a must.
Ouch! That’s got to be really hard for both of you to deal with. You want things back the way they were and he wants to eat your brains, that’s going to cause a lot of friction between the two of you.
Where there’s a will there is a way and it may be possible to salvage your relationship if you’re willing to adapt to his new needs and desires. Dealing with his constant advances toward your brain is going to get tricky. If you can coax him into wearing a comfy bit gag and a pair of handcuffs then you should find that you can take control of his unruly behaviour.
You may find that it’s more difficult to connect emotionally with him now that he’s one of the undead, so try to find a good balance between what you want and what he wants. Spend some nights at home in bed watching TV or talking about your hopes and dreams and others helping him hunt for his dinner. It’s key to take an interest in what’s important to him even if you don’t enjoy it.
The million dollar offers for Lindsay Lohan's bare bod keep rolling in! Last week the actress-cum-morgue worker reportedly received a $1 million cheque for a full frontal photoshoot for Playboy magazine, and now she's been offered the opportunity to let fans get to know her a little more intimately. TMZ report that leading male sex toy company Fleshlight have approached Lohan to become the latest Fleshlight Girl by taking a mould from the star's nether regions.
If Lohan accepts the offer she'll join Fleshlight Girls Jenna Haze, Riley Steele, Teagen Presley, Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane, Stoya and Misty Stone who all have versions of the world's number 1 selling masturbator cast from their bodies.
Is $1 million a bargain? Overpriced? Who would you like to see become a Fleshlight Girl?
Have you ever noticed how you can buy every kind of body part for sexual purposes? Over the years we’ve sold everything from feet and fists to heads and boobs.Now if only there was some way to sew these parts together and bring to life a living, breathing sex doll to service all of your wants, needs and desires. If sci-fi can be believed then all it takes to animate body parts is a good shock of electricity on a dark and stormy night.
Unfortunately my experiments haven’t yielded any fruitful results, possibly because the limbs I’ve used are made from realistic flesh and never belonged to real people but more probably because the Kinklab Neon Wand I’ve been using to try and shock my real-feel fittie to life is much more useful as a tool for sensory play. As sad as I am to discover that the Neon Wand has no life-giving capabilities, it is an awesome sex toy with lots of other things going for it...
The trouble with zombies is that they come at night, and so do we. Most of our sexual thrills are had between the sheets before bedtime and many of us will encounter our first zombie while getting frisky with a partner or ourselves. Most inconvenient.
On the plus side, Lovehoney customers will have plenty of weapons within arm's reach to help them combat the brain-hungry Z army.
At Lovehoney we believe in providing the best possible sex advice for all occasions, so in order to keep you sexually happy during the inconvenience of the apocalypse and the collapse of society, I've tried and tested some of the best methods of defeating zombies using only sex toys by subjecting myself to the wrath of three very brain-hungry zombies. Eeeek!
Rechargeable sex toys and mains-powered vibes are brilliant as they’re economic and high powered, allowing you to enjoy hours and hours and hours of sexual pleasure without the need to buy expensive batteries. But once the zombie apocalypse comes it’s only a matter of time before the power is switched off and supplies of batteries run out, rendering all of your sex toys useless.
There’s only one thing more depressing than a full-on zombie invasion and that’s a full-on zombie invasion without satisfying masturbation. If your boyfriend is out all night eating some other girl’s brains, you’re going to feel mightily dejected when your collection of sex toys is devoid of power. What’s a girl to do?!
There is one shining beacon of sexual satisfaction in the post apocalyptic void and that beacon is my Spooky Sex Toy of the Week - the SolarStim Solar-Powered Bullet Vibrator...
The benefits of vibrating cock rings are well documented but your partner doesn’t need to be one of the walking dead to enjoy the sexy pleasures of this blood red ring. Styled in silicone with supernaturally stretchy composition, it’s presented on a coffin card to make it the perfect spooky gift for your loving spectre.
The Death by Orgasm Fang Banger Vibrating Cock Ring (£14.99) is a silicone cock ring with a difference. Designed to slip around the penis and testicles, it provides a comfortable restriction that enhances erections by restricting blood flow. No surprises there.
The excitement comes in the form of the two vibrating bullets - there’s one for him and one for her. The smaller bullet sits beneath the testicles, enhancing his pleasure and the intensity of his orgasm. The larger bullet sits at the top of the cock ring and features a ghoulish pair of fangs that press against the clitoris during sex to ensure the best-possible stimulation for her in every position.
I’m a fantasy shopper and I love to spend hours trawling through websites adding lots of things to the basket with no intention of buying them. If I transferred everything in my Lovehoney wishlist to my basket right now, the total cost would be £1,516.77. Yeouch!
In my ideal world I’d have my big house and I’d fill it with sex furniture. An elaborate four-poster with incorporated restraints, a leather chaise longue that folds out into a play platform and a mega sex swing suspended from the ceiling of my play room. In reality I live in a one-bedroom flat and there is simply nowhere that a St Andrew’s Cross would fit unless I chuck out my Chesterfield sofa. Dilemma!
What I need is something compact but still full sized and inexpensive enough for a modest salary to afford. Inflatable sex furniture isn’t a new concept, but it hasn’t always been executed to great effect, but this week's Awesome Sex Toy has it covered...