This week's awesome sex toy is the Pipedream Extreme Realistic Male Sex Doll (£499.99), as seen being measured by me with the Official Lovehoney Depth Probe in Channel 4’s “More Sex Please, We’re British”.
This buff bod is one of the finest examples of male sex dolls I’ve ever had the privilege to fondle. Perfectly formed with spectacular musculature and a lob-on so fierce that you can practically see it throbbing, this stud of a doll definitely has the right visuals.
Of course, he has no head, arms or legs, but these are minor details when you’re faced with such a randy Adonis (and this also makes the doll less expensive, which is good for the pocket).
In the days of yore, when I first joined Lovehoney, there were a few creases to iron out in the content department. For a start, I was the entire content department. As the only writer I had to churn out as many words as possible, most of which revolved around new product descriptions.
Once Alice, Lucy and Gemma joined the ranks, time was freed up and we were all able to turn our attentions to new exploits. My pet project became sex dolls. I desperately wanted to revamp our dolls and I set to work getting every single one out of the warehouse to size up and re-explain.
During my rewrites I found plenty of problems, but none were as persistently infuriating as trying to take the internal dimensions with a floppy tape measure. After what must have been several irritating complaints, I came in one morning to find a special present on my desk. That present was The Official Lovehoney Depth Probe, a new take on the Singapore Stinger (£14.99) crafted by Alice’s very own Kirstie-Allsop-esque hands.
Sometimes all a sex toy has to do is defy convention to be truly awesome and that’s why this week's Awesome Sex Toy is the RodeoH Strap-on Harness Underwear.
I don’t know who first thought “I know, I’ll create a strap-on that looks like something straight out of a pony play scene”, but I would be willing to bet that they had at least one or two horse-hair-embellished butt plugs knocking about in their bedside drawer.
The RodeoH strap on is different. Part underpants, part strap-on, this alternative harness redefines what it means to partake in strap-on sex.
Made from comfortable stretchy cotton, this harness fits exactly like a regular pair of pants but has the functionality of a traditional leather and metal strap-on harness... just without the bulky chastity belt aesthetic.
When we think of sex dolls we tend to imagine the basic blow-up doll, but as you can see in the How to Choose a Sex Doll guide there are lots of different types. This week's Awesome Sex Toy is one of our different dolls. The Teddy Babe and Teddy Babe Deluxe are a very special kind of sex doll that was created with more than just sexual pleasure in mind.
Teddy Babes differ from any other luxury sex doll on the market by virtue of its unique build. Love dolls commonly have vinyl skin or are made from a silicone composition to mimic the feel of flesh and skin but a Teddy Babe has a soft, fluffy touch similar to a soft toy.
Unlike other sex dolls, Teddy Babes are made for cuddling. They’re filled with stuffing and have a posable wire skeleton, allowing them to be moved and posed in a variety of ways. Every part of their soft and squeezable form is made for loving, something other sex dolls can rarely offer.
When it comes to sexual experimentation, bedroom bondage is on many couples’ to-do list. In the past 30 years BDSM has come along leaps and strides to be accepted as a ‘normal’ part of people’s sex lives, and the change in attitude has seen some pretty glamorous interpretations of tie and tease in the mainstream media. Huzzah!
This week's Awesome Sex Toy is incredibly special to me as I helped to design it. Having been a fan of bondage for many a year, I was chuffed to have the opportunity to help solve an issue that’s niggled me since I first popped a blindfold over someone’s eyes - the fact you can usually peek out under the nose bridge.
Hidden inside the Lovehoney Tease Me Blindfold's nose bridge is a special flexible stem which allows the nose bridge to be bent into any shape, allowing you to pinch it tightly around the nose for complete blackout.
At first it was hard to believe that a dress could actually show arousal. However, Intimacy 2.0, a dress designed by Dutch fashion designer and artist Daan Roosegaarde really does exist, and yes really does show how turned on you are!
Using a combination of leather, 'smart fabric' e-foils, wireless technology and electronics, Daan has created a futuristic dress that becomes transparent with the increased speed of the wearer's heartbeat, becoming a see-through dress to reveal all.
The style has been dubbed as 'techno-poetry', a strand of fashion that explores the relationship between intimacy, sensuality and technology. There have been talks to produce a high street version of the Intimacy dress, which would respond to the wearer's emotions, showing how nervous or excited they were feeling.
Read on to see the video...
I have a soft spot for sex toys that are designed to indulge a specific kink, especially if that kink is a little unusual.
You’d be forgiven for thinking that in this day and age vampire fetishists are all drippy girls with a thing for guys with sparkly skin, but in truth getting jiggy with a bloodsucker is a classic fantasy for guys too.
If you fancy driving your stake between the eager chops of a ravenous vamp then the Fleshlight Sex in a Can Succu Dry (£36.99) is the only way to avoid it being your last great thrill.
At Lovehoney we use technology called heatmapping to show us the most popular areas of pages. Heatmapping places little coloured areas across a page, corresponding to how frequently they are clicked. Using this information, we can see how the layout of a page or list can be improved.
So for example, a heatmap of the left-hand navigation on our homepage looks something like the picture on the left.
However, recently, I was running a heatmap of our Sexy Lingerie page, and noticed something odd. People clicking on the pictures were clicking in, let’s say, rather specific areas of the image. It looked to me that the most popular areas of the image were either the boobs or crotch (see right).
Now, this could have just been a function of the type of lingerie being modelled - so I decided to test it!
Channel 4's Four Rooms is not your usual antiques programme, and last night alongside the score from Psycho and the chair J K Rowling sat on while she wrote Harry Potter, was an antique dildo dating from 1893. It stumped the group at first, till antiques dealer Celia Sawyer explained, "it's a dildo... quite a small one."
Complete with a US patent and a hollow centre for hot or cold water, this steel dildo is the ancestor of modern metal dildos and glass dildos used for sensory play.
A hand-me-down from her grandmother, the seller had high hopes of selling the dildo-cum-heirloom for a whopping £4,000. But alas, her resolve was not as steely as her dildo, as Jeffrey Salmon's offer of £1,111.11 was accepted - and sealed with a kiss! (No tongues though.)
Unfortunately, the deal was done before Gordon Watson could get a look in. Perhaps an unlikely admirer of the dildo, he said, "every fibre of my being, every single nerve-ending is ready to do whatever it takes to get the piece." Despite being "not quite my thing" Gordon Watson would have offered £3000, as a client of his is Belgium's largest collector of dildos.
Now, that's someone we'd like to meet...
Last week I introduced you to the Angel of Passion Sex Machine, a high-powered humping heart with unbelievable shafting speeds.
This week I’m going to slow it down a few notches and wow you with yet another fantastic sex machine, the Erotic Dream Bag (£350.00).
At first glance this covert cock thruster looks like a swanky designer weekend bag but inside the you’ll discover a fully functioning sex machine which requires a little assembly for a lot of gain. If you’re looking for a sex machine that isn’t obvious in operation or appearance then this is the sex toy you’ve been waiting for.
It might not be the most travel-friendly machine (it’s rather weighty), but pop this next to your bedside table and no one will suspect it’s hiding a sexy secret.