Where can you turn when you haven't got a 10-inch cock handy to scratch that itch? Pity the frustrated punters who could only dream about the day when every home could have a Homeboy Realistic Dildo 10-inch in the cupboard, with its extra-powerful suction cup for perfect horizontal or vertical play. And thank your lucky stars that not only do we stock a crazily large range of realistic dildos (some of which are themselves crazily large), but also let you read about what they're going to do to you, as in the following review from Orgasm Army:
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Spotted in The Sun - a jobcentre in Newton Flotam near Norwich is carrying ads for a 'trampling dominatrix'.
The Vortex Vibrations Vacuum Cleaner Sex Toy has been a smash hit with Sex Toys TV viewers thanks to The Professor's star-turn in the Vortex sex toy video. But how did this slightly left-field orgasmic invention come about? Here's a word from inventor Joanne Drysdale...
Do you ever gaze at the cacti on trips to the garden centre and ask yourself, 'I wonder what that would feel like in - '? We didn't think so. The Bingo vibrator is one thing, but cactus spines are something else altogether. It looks from this shortlisted design in our Design a Sex Toy competition like the designer took more inspiration from old Road Runner cartoons than peyote. Or maybe the inspiration came from using both together. It's a shame we're not going to make this one - it could have been the Wil E. Coyote of the vibrator world, ready to crush all those cutesy rabbit vibrators into submission.
As ever, we've kept the grammar and spelling true to the original submission...
Is it a blender? Is it a robotic arm? No, it's a Hitachi Magic Wand. This extra-powerful vibe, not satisfied with having taken the US by storm, is seeking to crush resistance to its eye-popping orgasms here in the UK - and we at Lovehoney are keen to help. Note that, as mentioned in the Orgasm Army review that follows, you can't use it internally out of the box, and will need either the straight probe or G-spot probe attachments.
Bored of your rabbit? Fed up of your ladyfinger? If you want to try something different, cast your eyes in the direction of your partner's tongue, and wonder want it would be like if he (or she) went downstairs with a vibrating power-pack on the end of their licker. That's what the TongueJoy Vibrating Tongue Ring does for you, and it's been a real hit in reviews...
"I've had this toy for some time and I have to say I think it's a really great toy both for couples or singles," says Orgasm Army reviewer Imeldaimelda. "I think it's fairly inventive and new, which I think in the sex toy industry is great, because we don't need another bloody rabbit!"
See the full TongueJoy Vibrating Tongue Ring review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the TongueJoy Vibrating Tongue Ring.
If you're a man, and you think coming is all about spunking over your girlfriend's tits, we applaud you. No, sorry - what we mean to say is think again. The Aneros range has been quietly building up a powerful fan base with their prostate stimulating toys, which give a whole new spin to the male orgasm. If you're a first-timer, read our prostate massage guide and remember to stock up on plenty of lubricant - and for a first-hand account of what an Aneros toy can do for you, read the following review from Orgasm Army:
Oof! When a gerbil just won't cut it, there's nothing quite like the 3 Bangs for your Butt Mega Dildo for deeply satisfying rectal reaming. If you're a fan, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself that no animals were harmed in the making of your orgasm. If you haven't dived in yet, this toy is not for beginners! And anyone who uses it should have a lot of lubricant handy, preferably within reach as with 3 Bangs in your butt you ain't goin' nowhere, as the following reviewer probably found...
Poor old Peter Sullivan. As reported in the Metro on May 14 in an article entitled Rodeo Romeo fails to impress, this fitness trainer allegedly sent a prospective date an email link to his website, asking her what she thought of photos of him dressed up in cowboy outfits, kickboxing and doing the splits.