• Cupids Couch Sex Sofa Fun with a capital F

    Caterpillar Large Dildo Here's a question for all you large dildo fans - we know length and girth are key factors when deciding which mega dong to buy, but how much do looks play a part? Not a lot for this Orgasm Army reviewer, who was sniffy about the ugliness of the Caterpillar Large Dildo, but still found it 'eye-wateringly impressive' to watch his wife filled to the brim with it. Hats off to Mrs Caterpillar!

    Deluxe Silver Sleek Smooth Vibrator Sigh! Do you ever find yourself hankering after the old days of sex toys, when a vibrator looked like a vibrator and didn't pop, glow, whizz or bang with its zillion functions and nano-computers? This Orgasm Army reviewer did - and found herself going back again and again to her trusty workhorse, the Deluxe Silver Sleek Smooth Vibrator. Just don't rub all the colouring off with overuse - apparently it's an unsightly beige underneath. Time to buy a new one...

    Durex Performa Condom and Play Lube Sachet Let's face it - it's difficult to find anyone who actively enjoys using condoms. But given the risks of not using them they're an unavoidable item for sex play - and it's worth testing out a few different types to find out which ones work for you. It looks like this Orgasm Army reviewer's made her choice with the Durex Performa Condom and Play Lube Sachet - how about you?

    Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit Vibrator Spotted in the Sunday Mirror on 24 June, a story entitled Girl Lag Demands Sex Toy in Prison. The prisoner, who claims to be a sex addict, is threatening to sue prison chiefs if they don't allow her a rabbit vibrator. She's got a point: some prisons let you have electric shavers, while smokers are allowed cigarettes (jails are pretty much the only places left where you can spark up indoors), so why not a rabbit? But the fruity lag sounds less convincing when she refers to the high-tech vibrators as 'harmless dildos'. Does she have any idea what the beads on a Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit Vibrator can do to a woman?

    Homo Gigantus Giant Dildo Few things warm the cockles of our hearts as much no-holes-barred enthusiasm for taking the biggest, meatiest, chunkiest, heaviest dildos we stock - and the following Orgasm Army reviewer is up there with the most enthusiastic. Sample quote: 'After riding it for a couple of hours, you go out and you feel like you still have it in you.' Doesn't this girl need to work?

    Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic 8-Inch No need to go to the South Seas for your King Kong fix - now you can stay at home and dream of giant model apes (or whatever floats your boat) while trying to fit as much of the Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic 8-Inch inside you as possible. The fun-loving Orgasm Army reviewer who penned the following review put as her 'bottom line', 'If this is really and truly modeled after a real cock as the literature claims, will someone please get me the guy's number?' Cheeky girl...

    CB-2000 Points of Intrigue It's not every day you see a toy review with a line like 'my penis had strong marks on it which made my Mistress happy', but then the CB-2000 Points of Intrigue isn't an everyday toy. Boys, if the idea of cock clamping makes you shrivel, make sure you sit down with a nice stiff drink before reading this. And girls, this is for - uh - consensual sex play, OK?

    Andro Penis Enlargement System Spotted in the Metro last Wednesday: Cambodians warned over DIY penis enlargement. Apparently a Cambodian man injected hair tonic into his penis in the hopes that it would make it grow - or maybe to give it thicker, more lustrous hair, who knows? In the event it caused massive ulceration, the pain from which was so great that the man hanged himself, the poor sod.

    O My Clitoral Stimulating Gel

    Want a piledriver orgasm? Who doesn't? To paraphrase erotic author Yolanda Celbridge in yesterday's interview, there's no time so good that a little O My Clitoral Stimulating Gel can't make it better. One of our Orgasm Army reviewers clearly thinks so, trying it with her man, a small pencil vibe, a willy dildo then a GX4 super rabbit - talk about road testing! Thank god she 'locked the cats out of the room', eh?

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