• It's been a surprising week of lust, monsters and arresting developments in your sex toy reviews this week. But what exactly were the hits and misses, and what bad behaviour would warrant a restraining order? Read on to find out.

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Tracey Cox Supersex Stroker

    Enjoying the classic Tracey Cox Supersex Stroker was Satoshi who found that a little bit of lube made for a magic combination. "Add a tiny bit of silicone lube in a wet setting however and this stroker turns into a shower monster!" Read the review.


    Total Ecstasy Triple Stimulator Rabbit Vibrator

    Something's been troubling the randy rabbit, who reviewed the Total Ecstasy Triple Stimulator Rabbit Vibrator. "The box size alone gave me palpitations." But how did the rabbit perform in the end? Read the review.


    Bathmate Goliath Hydrotherapy Penis Pump

     Providing an entertaining insight to the Bathmate Goliath Hydrotherapy Penis Pump was jamsmeister who soon found out that "My schlong is more like a power wanger of passion!" Read the review.


    Lust Dust Triple Pack with Brush

    Writing an excellent, sex boffin review of the Lust Dust Triple Pack with Brush was toycar69. "This works best on a slightly moist surface. One word of warning though: the first moist surface that comes to mind is probably not a good idea, as this stuff is basically sugar." Read the review.


    Wild Orchid 10 Speed Motion Sensor Massager

    Englishrose pointed out the message of the Wild Orchid 10 Speed Motion Sensor Massager's packaging, which could lead to a spell in prison. "I don't however, recommend following the box's recommendation: "Touch a secret partner just close by..." That sort of thing is liable to get you arrested and slapped with a restraining order..." Read the review.

    Got some free time this weekend? Or need to relax after some hectic Christmas shopping? Why not test out some sex toys and let everyone know how it went by adding a new review.

    Meet Kenneth - The 9 Inch Peep Show Dildo

    Much hilarity in last Friday's Peep Show when hapless lothario Mark tried to make up for his lack of prowess in the bedroom by introducing a dildo called "Kenneth" into a tentative romantic liaison with Dobby.

    Readily identifiable by dildo connoisseurs at Lovehoney as a Doc Johnson Classic Dong, the veiny beast spent the episode languishing in Mark's pants and socks drawer, deployment in his sex tryst postponed by the death of Dobby's ex's mum.

    Mark described the dildo as being 9 inches long, but we're not sure that Doc Johnson does a balls-free non-suction-cup dong in 9 inches. 8 inches, yes, 10 inches, yes. But 9 inches? We don't think so.

    Perhaps Mark was referring to the insertable length. He could be a connoisseur after all.

    Oh, and guys, if you're thinking about introducing a sex toy into the bedroom for the first time, maybe try something a little smaller to start with.

    It's been a crazily busy week, with huge numbers of sex toy reviews being submitted. Are you all tucking into your Christmas stocking early, by any chance?

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Doc Johnson Sasha Grey Pocket Pussy

    Kicking proceedings off this week is toycar69 who reviewed the Doc Johnson Sasha Grey Pocket Pussy. Girls, look away now (or prepare to wince) as "it's now starting to look a little worse for wear around the entrance: poor little Sasha now has a perineal tear." Read the review.

    Aurora illuminating Quiet and Smooth Massager

    A triangulated Christmas present with a difference, Tupperwareheart gives us the lowdown on the Aurora illuminating Quiet and Smooth Massager. "Unless you’ve dated someone who has a toblerone in their pants, the Aurora will be a completely new sensation." Read the review.

    Tracey Cox Supersex Sensation Stroker

    Nattily-named Giraffe tongue inadvertently lets slip his favourite James Bond-esque spying technique in his review of the Tracey Cox Supersex Sensation Stroker. "Make sure that no one is holding a glass to the wall next door..." Read the review.

    S-E-X Dice Game

    Reviewing a counter and dice game the (S-E-X Dice Game) was the aptly named chipNroll. Making a fantastic point about erotic games she says, "nobody wants their brain to be their hardest working organ during a sex game." So did it hit the mark? Read the review.

    His and Hers Vibrating Rocket and Ring Kit

    It was vintagefree who gave us the one-liner of the week in their review of the His and Hers Vibrating Rocket and Ring Kit."Grab on to your knickers girls, and get ready to yank them off!" Seems like this kit was an instant hit! Read the review.

    Have you treated yourself to some early Christmas presents? Let everyone know how you got on with your sparkly new toys by adding a new review.

    A week of refined and nostalgic sex toy reviews this week, with Victorian harlots, Mary Poppins and the Three Tenors getting a look in. Never fear though, there's plenty of sexy time satisfaction among the highbrow references.

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Sweet Streak Underbust Waspie

    MsEllie got herself laced tightly into the Sweet Streak Underbust Waspie and reports that "I had to hang on to the bedpost as hubby heaved and wrenched, pulling me in with every tug. Getting dressed to go out has never been so erotic!" How did she feel? "Like some Victorian harlot." Oh, how you do send us into paroxysms MsEllie! Read the review.


    Lovehoney Magic Mini Rabbit Vibrator

    Bringing exquisite pleasure to LovelyLady was the Lovehoney Magic Mini Rabbit Vibrator. "As a single lady, I haven't quite had a reason to raise my voice in the bedroom but this mini rabbit had me singing like one of the tenors!" With this waterproof vibrator, singing in the shower has never been so pleasurable. Read the review.


    Lovehoney Silencer 2.0 Whisper Quiet Waterproof Vibrator

    Keeping it quiet was Ecksvie who enjoyed the Lovehoney Silencer 2.0 Whisper Quiet Waterproof Vibrator this week. She gives us our one-liner this week, with the conclusion that this super-quiet vibrator is, "the Mary Poppins of toys – practically perfect in every way!" Read the review.


    Lover's Choice 52 Sex Positions Cards

    There were contortions aplenty in Mad4Sex's bedroom as he and his partner gave the Lover's Choice 52 Sex Positions Cards a thorough testing. Unfortunately, some of the positions were a little ambitious and destined for the, "you're having a laugh, only try this if you are built like an olympic gymast or wish to end up in traction" pile. Read the review.


    Vibrating Silicone Cock Ring

    Buttercup.'s experience with the Vibrating Silicone Cock Ring was clearly a revelation - in more ways than one. She tells us that "I leave it at my boyfriend's house, and soon worked out that he was using it alone!" We love it when a toy is a hit for both partners! Read the review.


    Got some free time this weekend? Or need to relax after some hectic Christmas shopping? Why not test out some sex toys and let everyone know how it went by adding a new review.

    We've been at the mulled wine already! If you're looking for great value sexy Christmas gifts then look no further. Lovehoney has three incredible offers for you to take advantage of. It's the perfect way to get ahead on your Christmas shopping (or get yourself an early Christmas treat).

    With each offer, you can choose any three things (pick'n'mix style) and pay £10, £25 or £50. There's something for everyone, including TENGA, Durex Play, Lovehoney bestsellers and much, much more.

    Offer ends 23 December.

    Stuff your stocking - choose 3 for £10

    Choose any three stocking filler toys and pay just £10. Choose from a wide range of toys sure to brighten up their Christmas, including BASIC Sex Toys, condoms, Durex Play lubes, sexy novelties, nipple tassels and sexy games. See the full list.


    Top-rated gifts - choose 3 for £25

    A great way to get your Christmas shopping started at a bargain price - choose three selected top-rated toys and gifts for just £25. There's top Lovehoney favourites, TENGA sex toys for men and Earthly Body massage candles.     See the full list.


    Perfect treats - choose 3 for £50

    Kick-start your Christmas shopping (or just give yourself a treat) by getting three selected top-rated toys and gifts for just £50. Choose any three sex toys - including Lovehoney silicone vibes, Pin Ups Gift Set, BASIC Sex Toys bumper pack, and luxury pampering products from Booty Parlor.                  See the full list.


    Don't forget - everything is delivered FREE in the UK!

    3 gifts for £10 3 gifts for £25 3 gifts for £50

    F-f-f-f-f-freezing temperatures outside, but red hot bedrooms across the country (judging by this week's sex toy reviews at least). The was one reviewer left cold though, but who? Read on to find out.

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Monkey Spanker Male Masturbator

    We loved Old hetro's review of the Monkey Spanker Male Masturbator and the re-invigorated sex life he's been enjoying. "I have been able to stir the chap from its slumber to an aroused and wanton hardness." Read the review.


    Durex Play Very Cherry Lubricant 50ml

    A hot contender for the title's one-liner this week was Sammy C in a review of Durex Play Very Cherry Lubricant 50ml. "Very easy to use, if you're not a moron. Pump it until liquid comes out. Sound familiar?" Why, now that you mention it it does! Read the review.


    Super Xtreme Scorpion Vibrating Ring with Dual Stinger Anal Vibrator

    It was lickmadick who was left cold by the catchily-and-not-at-all-cumbersomely-named Super Xtreme Scorpion Vibrating Ring with Dual Stinger Anal Vibrator which is apparently "as good as sticking a pen where the sun don't shine... " Ouch. Read the review.


    Big Daddy's Cock Ring

    NakedAce provides the cryptic one-liner this week, taken from his review of the Big Daddy's Cock Ring "I must say, it was on tight and I was [insert Ashford & Simpson lyrics here] for ages." Did you have to google it? We did and then sang along to the full song on YouTube. Read the review.


    Lelo Sutra Chainlink Cuffs

    Getting down, but not too dirty was tigerlilies with her Lelo Sutra Chainlink Cuffs. "Only a company from a sexually liberated county like Sweden would advise ‘Dry Clean Only’ for bondage gear, so with that in mind, don’t take them to a sploshing party." Read the review.


    It's set to be a chilly weekend across the country, so time to hunker down and get some testing underway. Let everyone know how it went and add a new review.

    A wildly wet and windy week has kept you indoors with a host of sexy gadgetry to keep you occupied. But what were the hits and misses this week in your sex toy reviews? Read on to find out.

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Amorous Large 10 Function Remote Control Love Egg

    MsEllie gave use the blog title's one-liner this week when reviewing the less than discreet Amorous Large 10 Function Remote Control Love Egg. "My husband imagined that having to run across the room and point the remote up my skirt rather destroyed the mystique of this product." Read the review.


    Rends R-1 Controller with USB Vibrating Egg Bullet

    High praise indeed for the Rends R-1 Controller with USB Vibrating Egg Bullet. With a reputation for power, it certainly lived up to the hype according to Lady Glory."If your old bullet/egg or the clit stim on your rabbit just doesn't do it for you anymore, then this WILL." Read the review.


    SI-X Type R Realistic Male Masturbator

    Joystick found a unique positive for the SI-X Type R Realistic Male Masturbator. Mainly that it isn't one of "those big torso models which just freak me out as it looks like you dismembered someone's crotch area! " Read the review.


    MTX Auto Robotic Mouth Blow Job Masturbator

    Stepping into the unknown was 007sex, trying the MTX Auto Robotic Mouth Blow Job Masturbator. Was this motorised gadgetry worthy of James Bond? "It basically felt like rubbing a bag of ball bearings up and down your penis." We'll take that as a 'no' then. Read the review.


    Whether your toy has been a high-tech delight or a defunct loser, let everyone know about it and add a new review.

    Lelo Insignia Waterproof Vibrators

    Renowned for an advanced range of rechargeable luxury sex toys, Lelo have now launched a range of waterproof vibrators so you can enjoy a more relaxing bath or stimulating shower. The new Insignia range consists of Alia (a versatile clitoral vibrator), Isla (an elegant mid-sized vibrator) and Soraya (a dual action vibrator with external stimulator).

    Each has a finger loop incorporated into the design, making them easy to hold on to underwater. Like all other Lelo vibrators, the Insignia range is rechargeable and a 2-hour charge provides approximately 4 hours of play.

    Lelo always deliver gratifying pleasure objects served in luxurious packaging that make an ideal treat for your lover (or yourself) and the new waterproof Insignia range is no exception.

    This week's crazy, windy weather has certainly been whipping you all into a frenzy. This week's sex toy reviews being particularly whacky and very amusing!

    This week's sex toy review round up

    Fetish Fantasy Sex Swing

    Giving us the giggles first this week was Gigi44 and her review of the Fetish Fantasy Sex Swing. "The funniest part for a single woman when setting up a sex swing? Who to ask to hang the hook up, and what to tell your teenage sons about the hook suddenly hanging from the living room ceiling!" It gets even better - read the review.

    Jaguar Vibrating Cock Ring with Enhancer Beads

    Loopallu didn't get on with the Jaguar Vibrating Cock Ring with Enhancer Beads, but described the experience with hilarity. "Quite honestly, it was like trying to wrestle seven steroid-pumping, disobedient, jelly polos onto a rolling pin... The best thing I can say about the Jaguar is that it gives a satisfying thud when it's slung at the wall." Read the review.

    10 Function Stimulating G-Spot Wand Vibrator

    This week roaminghands found a new top toy in the 10 Function Stimulating G-Spot Wand Vibrator. "Definitely my new favourite vibe, thrashing my waterproof bunny out of the water and relegating it back to its warren." Poor bunny, but just why was the G-Spot Wand so good? Read the review.

    The Persian Girl

    Teaching us a new word this week was englishrose in her review of erotic novel The Persian Girl. At one point there's a "possibly blasphemous incidence of agalmatophilia where a young female captive pleasures herself on a god's statue." But if statue-loving isn't your thing, don't worry as, "there really is something for every taste here." Read the review.

    Tracey Cox Supersex Stroker

    Mr.E is the writer of today's glorious one-liner - after giving the Tracey Cox Supersex Stroker a very thorough testing. "Without 'beating' around the bush, it's been tested 4 times already." Read the review.

    Whether you've been smirking with pleasure or laughing at a sex toy let-down, let everyone know about it and add a new review.

    Lelo never fail to deliver gratifying pleasure objects served in luxurious packaging. From the moment you lay your eyes on the exquisitely-designed boxes and caress the ergonomic lines of their intimate collection, you know that they will satisfy with all the sensuality they promise. Renowned for an advanced range of luxury sex toys, Lelo have recently applied their expertise to personal lubrication, bedroom accessories and sensual massage.

    Lelo's Flickering Touch Massage Oils, available in Balsam Fir & Bergamot, Fresh Lily & Musk or Spicy Clove & Amber, wowed us with perfect presentation. With each oil containing flakes of 24 carat gold, they would make an opulent gift for a lover or set the scene for a special weekend away.

    But what do they feel like? And what do the fragrances smell like?

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