We had a late night last night, so neither of us were in the mood for love this morning before work, but I checked he had taken his Sweet Release pill before I went off to work.
I spent the day rushing around so I got home exhausted. I was supposed to be meeting Jason and his friend for a drink, but I was too tired and I knew that if I did go my online diary would never get written, so I sent him a saucy message and apologised for my absence. By the time Jason gets home, I will already be in bed and there will be no time for sperm testing, which is probably just as well - I think it tastes a bit funny after alcohol.
What will we do with the drunken sailor..... Hmm, go back to sleep I reckon and hopefully dream of tomorrow's tasting session.
Day: Tuesday 12/9/06
Circumstances: A quickie to check the taste
How did he taste? Normal - quite neutral
Sperm Test Rating: 1 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)
...Have just looked at the photo (taken with phone camera in crap light) and realised you can see jack in terms of details. Well, at least if you’re wondering what some of the images on the bedroom wall are, now you know – although I guess there’s always a danger that you might not be interested… ;-)
Oh. I just asked Shane if he wanted to say something but he said it’s supposed to be my blog. I reckon he’s just SHY. We’ll coax it out of him yet! And the rest.
Well, today we’ve both been at work, and working our little bottoms off! I went to the gym this evening, so I feel pretty virtuous. Determined to fight the good fight against being thirty!
Diet today? Both of us pretty healthy and veggie. No, we’re not vegetarians but we do eat a varied diet – everything from junk food to nuts, seeds, berries and pulses. Everything in moderation and a little of what you fancy is very definitely good for you. ;-)
We ate dinner and relaxed for a while in front of the box and started kissing and stroking one another whilst we were sitting on the sofa. After a while, I’m sorry to say that we moved to the bedroom. I didn’t fancy kneeling on my scarred (car accident) knees on the living room carpet this evening. And the painters are in so… *sigh* We are a little limited. Well, I limit myself in that situation. BUT I promise we’ll try to be a little more creative later on in the month.
So let’s get down to it.
Monday and the first day of our diary and we both knew what we had to do. I was a bit worried that it would take away the spontaneity, but Jason didn't seem to mind. We both work full-time and had a friend coming round in the evening, so there was no time to waste....
Jason was worried about cleanliness as he hadn't had time for a shower, so he felt the need to dip his 'Salty Sailor', as we have named it, in a cup of water before we started. The cup turned out to be appropriate as it was decorated with a chinese symbol for 'Good Luck'. So for anyone that knows us, don't accept an offer of coffee when you come round - now you know where that cup has been.
We then went through to the bedroom, I imagined his Salty Sailor was an ice-cream cone and got started. It didn't take long, in fact from flop to pop in five minutes. Verdict: the usual flavour - freshly mown grass with salty avocado.
With more than 2,500 applications, we had to have some way of choosing the right couples, so we asked potential Sperm Testers why they thought they'd make good test subjects for our suck-it-and-see trial.
We receieved a mind-boggling selection of responses from eager couples, many of which gave a startling insight into their relationships. You can just imagine the pillow talk...
1 "We've dyed his pubic hair, made a cock mould and put Space Dust inside me."
2 "After gobbling the same goo for 13 years, I'd definitely notice any difference in taste."
3 "My partner is a smoker and I would appreciate anything that would change the bitter taste in his fluids."
4 "I love to cum on her face and drink it after."
5 "We love to make each other sponk by mouth, tongue, WHAHEY"
6 "They don't call me the Wacky Cum Swallower for nothing!"
7 "We are both fussy eaters trying to get our five a day fruit and veg :)!!!!"
8 "Jon can cum for England (he is very generous with his 'load')"
9 "Pam is in the middle of changing her pill and can't have intercourse for the next month. The only sexual fun we are going to have is oral."
10 "I know how Stephen's semen tastes better than my own saliva. I'd notice any differences."
When we were searching for a couple of Sperm Testers we asked you tell us where you'd had oral sex. It seems that there is absolutely nowhere you won't do it and nowhere you haven't done it...
1 "My granny's orthopaedic bed, with vibrating function....ooohh!!!!" And then had a go on the Stannah just for good measure.
2 "Beach, Carribean, Portugal, Kenya, Gran Canaria." Kind of a holiday treat for you, then?
3 "St Paul's Whispering Gallery." Shhhh! I'm coming!
4 "Tent (in field surrounded by others. repeatedly), on a public moving train (in the loos!)."
5 "On a coach. And by the way, we were in a traffic jam when we did whilst driving."
6 "I have done it underwater a couple of times while we scuba dive, we are both instructors." That's a relief. Always practise safe sex.
7 "Fireworks display." Is that a Roman Candle or...
8 "Hospital (in-patient); car bonnet; church altar (consecrated)." Does it make it better or worse that is was consecrated?
9 "In a cardboard box outside Wal*Mart during a live radio promotion." Raises more questions than it answers.
10 "Eurostar train on way back from paris (mm... very sexy)." Zut alors!
We were overwhelmed by the 2,500 Sperm Tester applications, so we've chosen another test couple. They've also agreed to donate a month of oral sex to the advancement of sexual science...
Sperm tester: Maya (Maya is a swallower)
Sperm donor: Shane
Maya and Shane have been a couple for 21 months and say they have oral sex a couple of times a week.
They have had oral sex in a remarkable number of places, including their kitchen, bathroom and lounge, as well as the front seat and back of their car, both stationary and while in motion. Crikey.
Maya says they would be great Sperm Testers because "We love oral sex!" It really is that simple.
Sperm Testing and Maya's intimate blow-by-blow online account of the trial will begin here on 12 September.
Maya will post a diary message every day, with specially detailed posts describing the taste of Shane's natural emissions every time they have oral sex. A control sample will be taken to gauge Shane's natural level of saltiness before the effects of the Sweet Release test product.