Spotted in the Metro (and a few other places) on July 6 - a story that minces no words with the title Teen has Sex with Cow. The papers have been milking (urf!) this one for all it's worth... In Skipwith, North Yorkshire, a teenager wearing only 'black briefs' was caught by a passer-by having sex with an English Longhorn. He fled when the voyeur shouted at him, and was nowhere to be seen when the police arrived (no surprises there!). The cow's owner reckons it had been groomed for sex, as the feed bucket had been moved around to suit the udder-loving cow fiend.
It is our solemn duty at Lovehoney to remind all of you that sex with cows is illegal and probably immoral, and to offer a legal, safe alternative way to stick your cock in a cow - the Classified Mr Moo Sex Pouch! Guaranteed not to get you in trouble with the law, unless you start waggling it about at the supermarket. If that doesn't wow you, say 'How now' to Pat the Inflatable Cow, which will moo with delight as you toy with her udders. Hey, whatever turns you on...
Spotted in the Sun on 3 July, We're the splish sploshers, an article all about women whose greatest joy is getting wet. And no, we don't mean just between their legs, but all over! So the next time you see a couple wading into the sea fully clothed, or girls out walking the dog in a storm with no umbrella, you won't need to wonder why they're grinning from ear to ear any more. They've probably been having a great summer so far! The thought of those translucent clothes clinging to voluptuous curves makes us sympathetic to this particular kink, but if just getting in a bath with stilettos on is a turn-on, just imagine how much more fun it would be with a Waterproof Vibrating Bath Massager or something else from our range of toys for bathroom sex!
Spotted in the Metro on June 27, Forget dogging - the new sex craze is 'furring'. Apparently footballers and funlovers all over the country are hiring furry animal costumes - one fancy-dress shop owner gets most requests for Sylvester the Cat - and getting them covered in sex juice during romps in the wood. St Austell has been pinpointed as epicentre of the 'furvert' craze, but we'd like to see it move away from the Cornish hinterlands and into the mainstream of British sex life. So if you fancy getting furry but don't want to shell out for a Cowardly Lion outfit, try a Bunny Set with Bendable Bunny Ears. But take some wellies if you're going in the woods, my Donald Duck feet got ruined by the mud last time...
OK, so it's not really a sex toy, but listen: the Classified French Maid Dress might save your sex life! Don't just take our word for it - spotted in the Metro last Thursday was a news item called Fantasies boost sex life. This probably isn't news for most of you - but a Spanish study's been bigging up sex fantasies as being less the preserve of the dirty mac brigade and more an essential part of healthy sex.
Seen on the BBC website 29 June: Boyfriend pillow for Japan singles. Billed as 'the ultimate sleeping partner', this pillow with attached man arm (artificial, of course, so it'll last longer without staining the pillow) is allegedly perfect for snuggling up to when your man's away. Or has dumped you, etc. Junko Suzuki, interviewed by AP, had this to say: 'It keeps holding me all the way through. I think this is great because this does not betray me.'
Sadly the boyfriend pillow is only available in Japan at present, but we at Lovehoney have our own suggestions for keeping you girls company without snores or lager burps, ranging from the Fist of Fury, an arm that's probably a bit hard to sleep on but can do other things without getting soggy, unlike the boyfriend pillow, to the inimitable Grow Your Own Boyfriend, the perfect gift for the newly single.
TV sex expert Tracey Cox has a range of vibrators and lubes available exclusively through Lovehoney. If you've never tried a lube before, you could do a lot worse than have a go with her Supersex Mint Tingle Lube, which has all the super-slipperiness of a top-quality lube and a minty-fresh smell and taste.
Orgasm Army reviewer Miss Kitty was so impressed with the stuff that she's written the most detailed review we've ever seen, complete with hints and tips for how you can make the most of it. Hold tight, because here's a sample:
"Lying there stripped bare and tied down firmly he starts to tease me, applies the lube to me first and starts rubbing gently, it heats up, it’s strong stuff and I wriggle in my bonds. They he blows, gentle but cold across my anointed crevice. I gasp, it’s freezing, tormenting, then hot again! He laughs and blows again, I kick him. He starts to tease me as the heat builds, I squirm around more, it stays hot even when not touched at all and is the perfect tease..."
See the full Supersex Mint Tingle Review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Tracey Cox Supersex Mint Tingle Lube.
Coming soon... the 2007 Masturbate-a-thon, to be held in San Francisco on May 26th. As the organisers (none other than Lovehoney favourites Good Vibrations) put it, 'In our effort to encourage masturbation pride, we invite you to put the "fun" back in "fundraising" by wanking for a good cause'. Fundraising for what? The Center for Sex & Culture, 'dedicated to sexual freedom and safety, offering classes and workshops that continue to promote a sex-positive reality. Come for this good cause. Wank for the greater good (Stroke 29 Masturbation Lube can help). Jill-off in pride and support. Help keep sex education safe, accurate and fun.'
More weird news from the wonderful world of sex... If you thought your Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator was the height of urbane sophistication, think again - your hairy, flea-infested prehistoric ancestor probably had one too. Although perhaps without a set of batteries...
Sick of your furry friend humping strangers' ankles? Tired of taking trousers to the drycleaners to have the pawprints and suspect white stains removed? Stop being so bloody selfish and buy your dog a Hotdoll.
Man's best friend's new best friend is a plastic dog with one hole (just the one!) for poop penetration. The manufacturers (Feel Addicted) advise, in slightly garbled English, that 'the pink hole beside (the most important part!) needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. Once clean, you can apply some female odour spray on it (the spray is an accessorie) several times per month, when your dog seems sexually hungry or nervous.'
So next time your poodle whimpers after catching a glimpse of next-door's Dobermann, let him bury his anxieties in Hotdoll's hot pink rubber sleeve.
A couple of mildly diverting sex-related stories spotted in the papers: The Sun adds to that old tabloid standby, the inappropriate 999 call, the story of a man calling the police after his wife refused to have sex with him. Apparently he complained that he was being denied his 'matrimonial rights' and wanted an ambulance crew to 'examine' her. The request was denied. To read the full story click here. For similar situations we recommend Fleshlights or, if the object for the couple was an actual medical examination, our broad range of medical toys.