Oh, dear. I have been a very Bad Kitty! I'm sitting here in my night robe, completely hungover and feeling desperately sorry for myself. I have taken two headache numbing pills and can't keep much else down. To say I'm recovering from a night of debauchery would be a massive understatement. It's all I can do to sit here, very near to the bathroom in the advent of anymore projectile vomit, typing the words to tell you about last night.
It was my friend Beth's fault. She dragged me to a gig in London to watch this band she's been following for ages. She has a thing for the bass player, a hoary old rock throwback who had been wooing her with tales of touring in the 80s with tons of other bands I've never heard of. Anyway, Beth's been shagging him for a few weeks now, so I thought it was time I gave in to her persistent nagging to meet him.
The club was rank. It smelt of feet and stale beer, and was rammed with metalheads and rockers. I have to admit, some of those guys were pretty damn sexy, in a disheveled kind of way, and they were more than friendly than I expected. After a few beers and two shots of Jagermeister, Beth's bass playing beau came over with his lead singer/guitarist and drummer. Holy shit! The lead singer was a bit rough around the edges but he had a magnetic sex appeal that I was instantly drawn to. And the drummer, wow! Humungous arms with bulging muscles, covered in black tattoos and with long dark hair hanging over one side of his face. I could feel myself getting excited.
This may sound like a cliché, but I've always wanted to be fucked by a doctor. Every time I go for a check-up I look longingly at the examination table with its scratchy disposable paper and tartan blanket, and wonder what it would feel like for a sexy, well-built trainee doctor to strap my legs into those gynecological stirrups and have his wicked way with me.
I would love a trainee doctor to order me to strip down to my underwear, put on one of those cotton examination gowns, then slowly pull down my silk panties and leave them on the floor. He would then tell me to lie down on the table and place my legs in the two examination stirrups. While asking me intimate questions about my sex life, he would slowly run his hand up my thigh, lifting the examination gown as he moved.
Gently tracing his hands and fingers over the top of my thighs and abdomen, he would then work his way upwards and cup my breasts, spouting out the scientific term for each part of my body as his kissed and licked his way around... Femur, Sternum, Maxillae.
A pair of dedicated Orgasm Army recruits find out whether the new G-spot stimulation cream is any good...
"We tried this the other night with fantastic success. We had been eagerly awaiting a chance to give it a go, and WOW, was it worth it!
We were not starting cold with this one... we had a major warm-up sex session before giving it a try.
The instructions say where to locate the g-spot, using your fingers, and then apply with a finger, or perhaps on the end of a dildo/vibrator.
But I reckon the dildo option might spread it about too much and miss the target..."
See the full Ooooh! That's It! G-Spot Stimulation Gel review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Ooooh! That's It! G-Spot Stimulation Gel at Lovehoney.
Sitting in a packed cinema isn't everyone's idea of a good night out, even if it is to watch the new Superman movie. So if you're desperate for some superhero action but can't face the crowds at your local Odeon, partake of some sexual heroics of your own. And there's no move more masterful looking than the Supergirl.
You don't need super hero powers to master this sexy position, but you do need some upper arm strength, a lot of confidence and a willingness to let your lover see your anus in all its glory! This position is just incredible for deep penetration and G-spot stimulation, and will make you and your partner explode with intense orgasmic rushes.
I came twice with the Supergirl move when play wrestling – naked – with this guy I met in Soho a few weeks back; a Scottish engineer called Tommy. After a few hours in bed we strayed in to my living room to explore other possible places to fuck on and in, and that's when we came up with this move. So if you fancy rocking your man's world with just one single move, bring out your inner Supergirl like this...
It's official: Sugar Rush is good for you!
No, I'm not talking about what would happen if you ate copious amounts of sweeties, chocolates and fizzy drinks, but the fantastic Channel 4 show Sugar Rush. Those of you who are already die-hard fans of the programme will know what I'm talking about. For those of you yet to turn on and tune in, Sugar Rush is a wickedly delicious show about a teenage lesbian called Kim, her dysfunctional family and her straight best mate (and long-time object of affection) Sugar.
Filmed on location in Brighton, Sugar Rush is now in its second series and things have been getting very naughty indeed! Kim has finally got over her Sugar fix with the help of new girlfriend and dildo buddy Saint, Kim's parents have joined a local swinging circle and her younger brother Matt has been indulging his semi-transvestite tendencies.
If you've never watched this immensely funny, sexy and intriguing programme before (it's on every Thursday at 11pm on Channel 4), you should seriously check it out. Series two of Sugar Rush is available from 21st of August, but don't wait that long: buy series one now and gen up before the second series arrives on your doorstep!
Sugar Rush is available to pre-order now from Amazon and Play.com.
People looking for the Gravitizer - a deeply clever sex chair that lets you and your partner enjoy all sorts of weightless sex positions - wil have a hard time finding it - their website has disappeared, seemingly lost in space. However, don't despair - you can try out the Angel Wings Weightless Sex Chair instead! This novel Japanese invention helps you get into loads of different positions with minimum effort! Light but incredibly strong, the steel frame and comfortable thick bands take the strain while your partner lies underneath. Perfect for active couples looking for more adventurous positions, or older or disabled people who need assistance squatting, kneeling or bending. Perfect for G-spot penetration too! Check out our pictures of the Angel Wings Weightless Sex Chair in action if you want a better idea of how it works. We've got all sorts of other Zero Gravity Sex products in stock too, which will let you boldly go where no one's been before.
The only time I ever had a proper relationship was when I had just turned 18. It's not as though I was one of those girls who longed to be glued to the side of some inane, penniless prat just to have a boyfriend. It was more out of shame and fear that the previous two years had been consumed by a whirlwind of bar-hopping, bed-hopping, one-night stands, three-date screw-ups and more than my fair share of lesbian and threesome action. So I decided to take a step back and view life from the other side of the fence: as one half of a smug, happy, cuddly couple.
Ollie was the other half. Four years older than me and fresh out of university, Ollie taught me things in bed that I felt sure I was going to burn in hell for. Anal sex while you piss in your boyfriend's best mate's mouth, anyone?
But it didn't last long. After eight months of depraved sex and ferocious orgasms I became increasingly bored. You know the saying about too much of a good thing makes you sick, and the thought of quaffing down on Ollie's love juice made me feel more than a little queasy. Suffice to say, our relationship ended abruptly after he caught me using my electric toothbrush to work my clit and stimulate the outer rim of my ass. Fair enough, considering how I'd passed on sex for three weeks running due to a nasty 'thrush infection.'
Being so young, I wasn't interested in working toward our relationship and turning it around. But I reasoned that after only eight months we shouldn't have been in that position in the first place. If I had read Searching For Sex by Emma Allen when I was still with Ollie, I'm sure her naughty words and explicit encounters would have inspired us and re-invigorated my lust for sex with Ollie.
So if you're married, in a relationship and feeling a little bored with your lover – or even if you're a sexy new couple looking for some inspiration – take a tip from Emma Allen's characters Marianne, Kate and Peter, and get a hot playmate to eat you out on your dining table or kitchen work top while you partner watches, then let him fuck the both of you into oblivion!
When I was a teenager, l convinced myself that I would only give up my virginity if my then boyfriend lavished me with Belgian chocolates, Ingueza roses, Krug champagne, a sexy babydoll from Agent Provocateur and an expensive weekend away. Hell, I would have even settled for a single bed in the local Travelodge; anything would of been better than 10 seconds of painful thrusting under a soggy tree in a graveyard on a miserable October night. Still, I'd take that over the new phenomenon that has been whipping thousands of frustrated American teens into a frenzy...
As if it's not (physically) painful enough to pop your cherry in the first place, young adults in the States have been clambering over one another to take part in MTV's latest real life documentary: Virgin Diaries.
For three intriguing and perhaps excruciating months, MTV has filmed 10 young adults as they prepare to lose their virginity and 'deal with the consequences.' The show is set to air every Sunday at 9pm, starting on 27 August as part of the MTV Sex Season.
If trembling virgins getting it on sounds like your idea of hell, check out the frank and hilarious Sex: The Dirty Dozen, which apparently tackles sexually related taboos and features real-life diaries alongside interviews with celebs such as Pink, Artic Monkeys and ex-Busted star Matt Willis, along with the obligatory sexperts and a host of big-breasted glamour girls.
Following on from our story about Zero Gravity Sex, a Dutch designer has created a deeply groovy gravity-free bed. It's a solid slab that literally hovers in mid air, free of all wires and strings - it's all done with magnets, y'know. So while it won't help you achieve those spectacular space sex positions, it would be a deeply shagadelic addition to any household. The only drawback is the price - a cool 1.2 million euros - and if you've got body jewelery - "Although people with piercings should have no problem sleeping on the bed, Ruijssenaars advises them against entering the magnetic field between the bed and the floor. They could find their piercing suddenly tugged toward one of the magnets" reports Yahoo News.
Spend £50 at Lovehoney and get this fantastic Mini Rabbit Vibrator absolutely free with your order! Usually costing £15, the Mini Rabbit is perfect for popping into your handbag or taking on holiday with you - small, discreet but still big enough to satisfy your every carnal urge. It's a compact single-speed contoured 5-inch vibe with powerful clitoral stimulator. If you're feeling particularly philanthropic, you might even give it to a friend who's in need of it. Get more info about the Mini Rabbit, but don't delay your shopping spree - these are only free while stocks, as they say, last. You can also read the complete free offer details.