'Get over here now and suck my clit hard, then plough your big, fat fuck-rod dick into my soaking wet pussy mountain.'
Don't be too shocked by the above statement. We're quite some way off that kind of one-liner for now, but that's exactly what we'll be aiming for in the near future. Surprised?
If your absolute burning desire is to find out how to tell your lover that they make you 'want to come really hard,' then you're in the wrong place. If you want to know how to tell your lover what makes you come; what you want them to do to you and vice versa; and how to use a plethora of filthy phrases and dirty words to tip your lover over the orgasmic edge in bed, congratulations! You're in the right place.
My name is Bad kitty and I have been a very Bad Kitty.
I promised you that last Friday you would be reading the first in a master class series of how to talk dirty to your lover. I didn't post it. But I have a very good reason why it didn't appear.
Well we didn't make it to Ealing today. The main reason was that I looked at my finances and kind of realised I had blown a lot of cash in a very short period of time so back to living like students for the rest of the month. Kind of.
Well, I can't help it. Payday comes and I just want to go out and have a good time and buy all the things I think I need! Ha. Ha. I know, I know, not a very responsible attitude when people are dying of starvation but... I've been homeless and I've been without food.
I've had a tin of tuna and had to share it with the cat 'cause that's all I had in the house to eat. Hell, I've known not so easy times and had a baseball bat stuck into the wall above my head...
I left home when I was fifteen and moved house on average every couple of months for the first year. Now... It's so nice that life is good. It's so nice to be able to think, "Mmmm I like that. I'll buy it,". Anyway, you don't want to hear about that. :-)
We woke up early this morning and then went back to bed to make love and snuggle. A lovely Sunday morning. BUT IT DOESN'T TASTE OF APPLE!!! :-(
Rest of the day? Gym. Then lunch and chilling on the sofa. Then trying to flog clothes that don't suit me anymore on e-Bay. Oh, it's sad, but we all have to get older. :-) You just don't realise what you have when you're young. :-)
Signing off now before I make someone vomit with my philosophical (just) ramblings....
Things are getting a bit tasty at the Army with Hidden Desires chocolate getting a seal of approval, but with a wish for there to be a ruder version too. Meanwhile, Durex Play Mint Tingle packs a incredibly minty taste punch - "The heat helps me feel hot to trot. It is also an effective, long lasting, pleasant lubricant which doesn’t detract from the appropriate level of friction. Although, the tingling sensation can overwhelm the normal tactile sensations. It is a strong enough flavour that it can disguise any other flavours such as the rubbery taste of condoms. his is the ‘fisherman’s friend’ of lubes and I’d have to hate the taste of cock (a couple of hours after he’s eaten a curry) to use this when giving head but it is certainly interesting, different and well worth a try."
Non-latex Trojan Supra Condoms proved to be a winner, although they are a bit of a bugger to roll on because they're not as stretchy as normal condoms, while the Pink Mini Wabbit Vibrator is a "great little toy to have in your handbag". Even more discreet than the Mini Wabbit is the Toy Joy Make Me Blush Vibrating Brush - it looks exactly like a blusher brush but it's already to provide far more entertainment - "The brush gives a lovely soft titillating sensation well worth following up by using the handle as a more stimulating vibe. The handle is as effective as any of the range of small vibrators I have; especially good for clitoral stimulation."
Read more sex toys reviews and contribute your own at Orgasm Army.
Went out clubbing on Friday night, got home Saturday lunchtime and got to bed about midnight. I was exhausted but somehow we managed to find the energy for sex. No tasting though.
Four drinks. FOUR drinks. And I had a hangover this morning. Is that a sign of old age or WHAT? Got up at 6am this morning in order to haul my arse to the gym on time. Personal training session was OK. The into town to pick up some bits and pieces.
The hangover really kicked in this afternoon though, even though we went for a jog. We did manage to have sex though, in the living room (again!) and although Shane came inside me I did manage to have a taste... Afterwards. ;-) Definitely no apple. :-(
Feeling very tired now. Have ordered some fun presents for our party on 28th October. And some 1st prize medallion. Have also bought one of Shane's birthday presents (his birthday is at the beginning of November). And have started the wheels in action for the second present which will have to be made.
Won't say too much though as he will probably read this. Oh well. He knows what I'm getting him anyway. And I will struggle with waiting until his birthday to give his prezzie's to him. I'm so crap. I get really excited and want to tell him what I've bought!
I sent away for some information on a writing course. Don't laugh. I love writing. But I would like to... stretch myself. My writing skills that is! Dunno. Just thought it might be a good idea.
Anyway... going to watch the X-Factor. Sad eh?
Well, we're doing some cool stuff in the coming months so we're not always boring... Honest. Tomorrow we're going to a bar that serves food with a New Zealand theme. They have live jazz there on a Sunday. Will let you know how it goes. Next week we're going to see Slava's Snowshow. Look it up. It looks lovely!
Then the party will be round the corner.
Then... In January we're going to go and see my best friend in Italy and probably go skiing.
We can't take a lot of time off at weekends or have long holidays because of Shane's job. And I have just moved into a new role so I wouldn't feel comfortable about suddenly asking for a big block of time off.
Oh I'm really waffling now.. So, so tired.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Day Thursday 28/9/06
Location On top of the bed
Circumstances Long, slow, tease-him-till-he-can't-take-any-more one before bed
How did he taste? Neutral
Sperm Test Rating: 5 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)
Aaaargh. :-( Bruised ego. Got all dressed up to meet a friend from old place of work in town. Now, I find it hard to drag myself out without Shane but I do realise the importance of retaining a sense of 'self' in a relationship and often think that if I don't want to do something (like going out on my own with a female friend) it is usually a good idea for me to do so. Also, more often than not, I end up enjoying the time I spend with my thankfully very bright, very lovely assortment of female mates.
Well, this time I travelled up to London with the colleagues from my new team. Heard nothing from mate I was supposed to be meeting all day. Sent email, text etc etc. Nothing. But NO PROBLEM as she is VERY reliable. Got to Waterloo. Still nothing. :-( How embarrassing.
One work colleague hung around with me so I wouldn't be on my own. After half an hour (lack of patience but tried calling a number of times) I got on a train home. Shane picked me up and as I walked through the door the phone rung.
My friend's mobile had died mid text and she hadn't been able to get hold of me. Have just read her three emails sent this afternoon. AND then she had food poisoning. Lesson? Make sure you have a landline number for one another! Night out to be rescheduled. Still had nice night out with Shane in comfy local pub. Now eating Marmite and cottage cheese on crackers. Sex? You must be joking. I have to be at the gym at 8am for a personal training session. BUT we're not doing anything else the rest of the weekend... ;-)
A throwaway line -- "The Rampant Rabbit become known as the world's favourite sex toy after it featured in TV's Sex In The City" -- at the end of an Evening Standard report about a spat between Germaine Greer and the makers of the dire rabbit fever movie makes me want to set the record straight about rabbit vibrators - Rampant or otherwise.
A "rabbit" is a type of vibrator that typically has rotating shaft filled with plastic beads or metal balls, and, most importantly, a clitoral stimulator with rabbit ears that vibrate, usually to orgasmic effect.
There are many types of rabbit vibrator - dual speed, multi-speed, multi-pattern, multi-coloured, waterproof, the lot.
Jason got home about 8. I was watching a DVD in the bedroom. Jason had a shower and came to bed. I was lying with my head on his stomach and the Salty Sailor* made me aware that he liked that by tapping me on the head a couple of times.
I started off by kissing him gently, then licked and teased him all the way to fruition. It was hard to tell what it tasted of, but it's definitely not yet appley enough to make a Mr Kipling apple pie.
*For those of you who have not been following my diary from day 1, Jason's Salty Sailor is his cock....Well actually I like to think of it as our cock.