The Sun yesterday ran a baffling article (baffling for those, like me, who are baffled by football, anyway) about an ongoing wrangle between Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan and Birmingham City bosses David Sullivan (Sunday Sport owner and all-round porn baron) and David Gold, co-owner of Ann Summers and smut rag company Gold Star Publishers.
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Fancy a quick one on the way home from work tonight? There's tons of different ways you can do it, but my favourite is having sex in the passenger seat.
Sick of your furry friend humping strangers' ankles? Tired of taking trousers to the drycleaners to have the pawprints and suspect white stains removed? Stop being so bloody selfish and buy your dog a Hotdoll.
Man's best friend's new best friend is a plastic dog with one hole (just the one!) for poop penetration. The manufacturers (Feel Addicted) advise, in slightly garbled English, that 'the pink hole beside (the most important part!) needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. Once clean, you can apply some female odour spray on it (the spray is an accessorie) several times per month, when your dog seems sexually hungry or nervous.'
So next time your poodle whimpers after catching a glimpse of next-door's Dobermann, let him bury his anxieties in Hotdoll's hot pink rubber sleeve.
However, there is a reason why so many people enjoy the use of anal sex toys - when done properly, anal play can add a whole new dimension of pleasure to your sex life. Many people are astounding by the new sensations and powerful orgasms they can experience during anal play and anal sex.
Anal sex should never be painful. If it is, slow down or stop completely, and remember that pain is your body's way of letting you know something is wrong. ,
Follow the five easy steps below to ensure your first approach to anal sex is one of the most fulfilling sexual experiences you've ever had.
So here's how to do it...
A couple of mildly diverting sex-related stories spotted in the papers: The Sun adds to that old tabloid standby, the inappropriate 999 call, the story of a man calling the police after his wife refused to have sex with him. Apparently he complained that he was being denied his 'matrimonial rights' and wanted an ambulance crew to 'examine' her. The request was denied. To read the full story click here. For similar situations we recommend Fleshlights or, if the object for the couple was an actual medical examination, our broad range of medical toys.
Funky balls that put the "wa" into "wahey!"
Proving that you don't have to have batteries to give a girl a good time, Bonny explains what Fun Factory's Smart Balls can do for you...
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Holy cow, I've just had a horizontal clit hood piercing. I've got a captive bead ring pierced into my clitoral hood and it looks sexy as hell.
It feels a bit strange right now and my clit looks a little bigger than usual, but apparently that's because of the increased flow of blood.
My clit is quite large anyway and it sticks out from my, ahem, lips, which is great for clitoral piercing because piercing a clit that's too small could result in nerve damage apparently.
What your man eats will affect the taste of his sperm. If he's a clean-living, grass juice-drinking vegan, then hoorah for you – his sperm probably tastes divine. For the rest of us who date beer-swilling, chain-smoking, burger-loving guys who could care less about what their sperm tastes like as long we either a) agree to swallow it b) have it spurted over our face and tits or c) a bit of both.
Take Lovehoney's new Desert Island Survey and you'll be in with a chance of winning £100 of sex toys. You know Desert Island Discs - it's the Radio 4 programme where celebrity chooses the records, book and luxury item than they'd like to be castaway with. So we thought it would be fun to find out what else people would rather take on to a desert island - chocolate, a vibrator or their boyfriend... Tell us!
And if all this talk of islands has got you in the holiday mood, check out Wicked Words Sex on Holiday for a really raunchy read...
I know I keep going on about the Rabbit vibrators range, but that's because they truly are vibrational works of art that demand to be talked about.
Today, I treated myself to the new Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator, and at just under £30 it was worth every penny.
After popping in the required four AAA batteries I immediately flicked the on switch and plumped straight for the highest speed available. As the immensely powerful vibrations shot through my hand that I was using to hold the vibrator shaft, I knew there was only one place good enough to try out this waterproof wonder...