Much hilarity in last Friday's Peep Show when hapless lothario Mark tried to make up for his lack of prowess in the bedroom by introducing a dildo called "Kenneth" into a tentative romantic liaison with Dobby.
Readily identifiable by dildo connoisseurs at Lovehoney as a Doc Johnson Classic Dong, the veiny beast spent the episode languishing in Mark's pants and socks drawer, deployment in his sex tryst postponed by the death of Dobby's ex's mum.
Mark described the dildo as being 9 inches long, but we're not sure that Doc Johnson does a balls-free non-suction-cup dong in 9 inches. 8 inches, yes, 10 inches, yes. But 9 inches? We don't think so.
Perhaps Mark was referring to the insertable length. He could be a connoisseur after all.
Oh, and guys, if you're thinking about introducing a sex toy into the bedroom for the first time, maybe try something a little smaller to start with.
Disguised as a torch (or flashlight, hence the name) a Fleshlight is a top-notch male sex toy that enhances masturbation or adds an extra dimension to foreplay for couples. Within the outer casing is a soft and stretchy sleeve that is made from an extremely lifelike material that simulates the unmistakable feel and intense sensations of sex.
If you've never thought about using a male sex toy to aid your solo play, you'll find a Fleshlight will revolutionise your experience. This guide will help you find the best Fleshlight for you - they all offer something different.
If you're baffled by basques or confused by corsets, Lovehoney's easy lingerie guide will explain everything. Armed with this information, choosing the perfect lingerie to make you or your partner feel sexy and confident should be easy.
We've split this guide into structured lingerie (basques, corsets and other figure-hugging and body-sculpting garments) and unstructured lingerie (flirty, feminine and comfortable lingerie like babydolls, chemises and camisole sets) to suit your mood or your partner's style. We also explain the different types of knickers, thongs and G-strings as well as sex-on-legs hosiery (from stockings and suspenders, to bodystockings and tights).
Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome affects many men over the age of 50 and can be treated in most cases.
Buying the perfect Christmas present for your lover can be a stressful and daunting task, which is why Lovehoney has hand-picked a selection of our best-selling Gifts and Games to add some sexy fun and frivolity to your festive celebrations.
Whether you make a present of yourself in a Naughty Knot Sexy Body Bow, expand your sexual repertoire with new sexual positions or indulge in some festive foreplay, you'll find the ideal gift with Annabelle Knight in this week's Sex Toys TV Highlights.
Naughty Knot Sexy Body Bow
As seen on Alan Titchmarsh and Jerry Springer! Make a present of yourself with this clever giant sash designed to turn you into a perfectly wrapped gift. And you can guarantee someone special will want to unwrap you.
Find out more: Naughty Knot Sexy Body Bow
Kama Sutra Sex Positions Card Game
Anyone can learn the love secrets of the Kama Sutra. This game of skill and love is based on the ancient teachings of the East. A game for two lovers that teaches wisdom, respect and closeness through the medium of mutual pleasure and exploration.
Find out more: Kama Sutra Card and Dice Sex Positions Game
S-E-X Dice Game
A raunchy dice game. Divide action chips between the players and then take turns to roll the dice. If each die collectively spells the word 'SEX' you have to perform three foreplay activities to act out on the player of your choice.
Find out more: S-E-X Dice Game
Lots of sex can increase the risk of cystitis which is why it is nicknamed the 'honeymoon' disease.
A week of refined and nostalgic sex toy reviews this week, with Victorian harlots, Mary Poppins and the Three Tenors getting a look in. Never fear though, there's plenty of sexy time satisfaction among the highbrow references.
This week's sex toy review round up
MsEllie got herself laced tightly into the Sweet Streak Underbust Waspie and reports that "I had to hang on to the bedpost as hubby heaved and wrenched, pulling me in with every tug. Getting dressed to go out has never been so erotic!" How did she feel? "Like some Victorian harlot." Oh, how you do send us into paroxysms MsEllie! Read the review.
Bringing exquisite pleasure to LovelyLady was the Lovehoney Magic Mini Rabbit Vibrator. "As a single lady, I haven't quite had a reason to raise my voice in the bedroom but this mini rabbit had me singing like one of the tenors!" With this waterproof vibrator, singing in the shower has never been so pleasurable. Read the review.
Keeping it quiet was Ecksvie who enjoyed the Lovehoney Silencer 2.0 Whisper Quiet Waterproof Vibrator this week. She gives us our one-liner this week, with the conclusion that this super-quiet vibrator is, "the Mary Poppins of toys – practically perfect in every way!" Read the review.
There were contortions aplenty in Mad4Sex's bedroom as he and his partner gave the Lover's Choice 52 Sex Positions Cards a thorough testing. Unfortunately, some of the positions were a little ambitious and destined for the, "you're having a laugh, only try this if you are built like an olympic gymast or wish to end up in traction" pile. Read the review.
Buttercup.'s experience with the Vibrating Silicone Cock Ring was clearly a revelation - in more ways than one. She tells us that "I leave it at my boyfriend's house, and soon worked out that he was using it alone!" We love it when a toy is a hit for both partners! Read the review.
Got some free time this weekend? Or need to relax after some hectic Christmas shopping? Why not test out some sex toys and let everyone know how it went by adding a new review.
Honest customer reviews help others decide what's going to be the best sex toy for them, and we love it when you get all sex-geeky and analyse what works and what doesn't. Each month, we give £100 worth of sex toys to the person who writes the Lovehoney Review of the Month. We also choose highly commended reviews and reward them with 2000 Oh! Points a piece.
Review of the Month
With over 20 detailed reviews submitted during the month of November, we felt a worthy winner of the £100 of sex toys this month was sex boffin MasqueradeMinx. Her incredibly detailed review of the Lovehoney VibraExciter Mobile Phone Vibrator For Men gave us a full low-down, but we particularly loved the "she says", "he says" section of the review - fab for letting a couple know if it's going to do it for them. Read the review.