Just when you thought it was safe to look at our sex stories blog again... our intrepid Orgasm Army reviewer keith.b has penned another lengthy piece that moves out of the realm of reviews and into something altogether different. Last time it was his girlfriend being strapped to the machine. This time the tables are turned - read on to see what's going on behind closed curtains on your street right now! Possibly, anyway...
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Having obviously broken the bank buying a Love Sex Machine to satisfy his younger girlfriend's sexual needs, Orgasm Army reviewer keith.b is clearly keen to break into the gonzo video market to make some money back. What follows is the account of a pretty intense session - we're not sure whether you should or shouldn't try this at home... and if anyone takes the reviewer up on his offer of a video, please leave us a comment and let us know what it's like! The other reviews of this hi-tech toy (which we've shown in a short film - educational, of course) also wax lyrical about the machine: one woman tells us that 'I shake with excitment when I'm going to use it'. So what are you waiting for?
Holy cow, I've just had a horizontal clit hood piercing. I've got a captive bead ring pierced into my clitoral hood and it looks sexy as hell.
It feels a bit strange right now and my clit looks a little bigger than usual, but apparently that's because of the increased flow of blood.
My clit is quite large anyway and it sticks out from my, ahem, lips, which is great for clitoral piercing because piercing a clit that's too small could result in nerve damage apparently.
I know I keep going on about the Rabbit vibrators range, but that's because they truly are vibrational works of art that demand to be talked about.
Today, I treated myself to the new Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator, and at just under £30 it was worth every penny.
After popping in the required four AAA batteries I immediately flicked the on switch and plumped straight for the highest speed available. As the immensely powerful vibrations shot through my hand that I was using to hold the vibrator shaft, I knew there was only one place good enough to try out this waterproof wonder...
Fancy a new sex toy? Well, before you start surfing your favourite sex toy website, make sure you read this saucy little excerpt taken from a short erotic story called 0, written by Nuala Deuel and featured in Black Lace's Wicked Words Sex And Shopping .
I was lying on top of her goose-down duvet, with two plump pillows placed underneath the small of my back. My arms and legs were outstretched, obediently waiting to be tied to each of the four corners of her iron bedstead. My naked skin looked supple and soft in the candlelight; every inch of it burning for her touch, her tongue, her pussy against mine.
She stood over me on the bed, pressing one of her four-inch red peep toe heel shoes into my left thigh. As she squatted down over my legs, I almost cried out for her to touch me, but I was forbidden to speak. Forbidden to move.
Forbidden to orgasm unless she let me. Her hand sailed over my thigh, missing my silky skin by a matter of millimeters. She took a pair of latex gloves from her black satin clutch bag, pulled and snapped them onto her hands and stepped off the bed.
The following excerpt is take from a short story called Footsie 100, written by Heather Towne and published as part of Black Lace's Wicked Words Sex In The Office.
'Karen, your three month probation period is up today. And this is the fourth time in three months that I've caught you daydreaming when you should have been working.' She held up my personnel file and then continued in a business-like manner. 'What are you thinking about when you're supposed to be working, anyway?'
So I was sitting in the opera box at this chic fetish club last night, drinking Black Tooth Grins and trying not to faint in my ultra-clingy PVC baby doll corset dress. He was sitting in the box next to ours and making it blatantly obvious that he was interested in what was underneath my slinky, shiny PVC.
An old friend of mine came round last night with a bottle of wine, some body paints and a naughty selection of painting tools. At first I laughed out loud at his suggestions of painting each other using chocolate body paint and tickling feathers, paint brushes and different fruits, but when he described in immense detail exactly where he would concentrate his artistic efforts, I soon took him seriously.
I've been feeling really horny for dripping wet pussy lately. I can't explain it, I've just been overwhelmed by the need to suck on a pink, juicy clit and have its juices drip all over my face.
Tonight it was within my grasp. It was more or less offered to me on a silver platter. Or so I thought...
Just down the road from my flat is a really funky new florist, which I can't name for obvious reasons. It's only been open three months, but the owner has already made a name for herself. Not so much for the flowers she sells, but for the fact that she's a raging lesbian with a wandering eye. In fact, some of my friends who buy flowers from her will go as far as to say that she'd give you a beautiful tulip posy in exchange for a quick fingering out the back room. Their full of shit and exaggerating horrendously: it's £10 for a tulip bouquet and then she'll take you out back and finger you like a jackhammer.