• 15 Sex Toys (That No One Will Know Are Sex Toys)

    Discreet Sex Toys

    When you're picking out the perfect sex toy, what it looks like often plays a huge part in your selection process.

    Sure, we may all long for a bulgingly-veined, intricately-detailed flesh-tone dildo with bulbous balls, or a velvety-soft vulva in a tube, but should you accidentally forget to close a drawer or have one of those snoopy roommates, they're not the most... discreet of items.

    While we believe no one should be ashamed of masturbating or using sex toys (after all, as Jim's dad would say in American Pie, "It's a perfectly natural, normal thing"), we also appreciate that letting your freak flag quite so blatantly isn't always appropriate.

    So, in the name of incognito intimate explorers everywhere, we've gathered this collection of sensational sex toys and accessories that look nothing like you (or anyone else) would expect them to.

    Let's just say, if discretion is the better part of valour, then these sex toys are your erotic Knights of the Round Table.



    Secret Vibes

    Small in size but no less powerful in sensation, these vibrators look so innocent that not even your mother would guess at their true function. Or, if she does, she won't let on...

    1. Lovehoney Flash 7 Function USB Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator

      Lovehoney Flash 7 Function USB Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator (£29.99)

      When it's charging, this slender silver-and-black mini vibrator looks just like a USB flash drive. Or we reckon you could even pass it off as an e-cigarette, too.

    2. Tingletip Electric Toothbrush Clitoral Vibrator

      Tingletip Electric Toothbrush Clitoral Vibrator (£9.99)

      If you've got an electric toothbrush, put the charging unit to another use with the Tingletip. This incognito add-on sits where the brush head would normally go, plus it won't look out of place in your bathroom cupboard.

    3. Kiss Me Lipstick Clitoral Vibrator

      Kiss Me Lipstick Clitoral Vibrator (£12.99)

      An oldie, but a goodie, this lush lipstick vibe is the perfect travel vibrator. Just don't go offering to share your make-up with anyone while it's in your cosmetics bag.

    1. I Rub My Duckie (Travel Size Duck) Massager Vibrator

      I Rub My Duckie (Travel Size Duck) Massager Vibrator (£14.99)

      Novelty though it may seem, this dainty duck certainly delivers with powerfully pleasing vibrations. Plus, he makes the perfect companion for long bubble baths and a glass of wine.

    2. Rianne S USB Rechargeable Heart Clitoral Vibrator

      Rianne S USB Rechargeable Heart Clitoral Vibrator (£29.99)

      We heart this gorgeously girly clitoral vibrator. Easily explained away as a gift or ornament from a friend, this purple and gold heart-shaped toy is just too pretty to hide away.

    3. Rocks Off Ruby Glow Ride On Clitoral Vibrator

      Rocks Off Ruby Glow Ride On Clitoral Vibrator (£39.99)

      Explain away this ride-on vibe as a decorative doorstop from your favourite Scandinavian furniture store to avoid blushes the same shade as its vivid pink silicone.

    See all: Vibrators


    Covert Toys for Boys

    Sure, the blow-up doll from Fresher's Week might take pride of place in your kitchen, but no one needs to know about the real-deal gratification gadgets littering your desk.

    1. Fleshlight Sex in a Can O'Doyle's Stout

      Fleshlight Sex in a Can O'Doyle's Stout (£36.99)

      The fellas at male toy giants, Fleshlight, have brewed up this beer can with a difference. The O'Doyle's Stout can houses a real-feel sleeve, shaped to look like a temptingly tight anus that'll look perfectly at home among the 4-pack cans in your cupboard.

    2. Sportsheets Metal Cock Ring Set (3 Pack)

      Sportsheets Metal Cock Ring Set (3 Pack) (£7.99)

      Don't let the simple design fool you. This trio of metal bands slips over your meat flute for harder, bigger erections and delayed ejaculation, but look no more sexualised than a pack of curtain rings.

    3. HEPS Fantastic Oral Sex Simulator Male Masturbator

      HEPS Fantastic Oral Sex Simulator Male Masturbator (£84.99)

      Perfect for pleasing gadget-lovers, this deliciously detailed toy creates an ultra-realistic blow job sensation, but is housed in an unremarkable black case. Try swapping the paper sleeve for a print-out of your favourite box set for extra subterfuge.

    1. TENGA Standard Edition Deep Throat Onacup

      TENGA Standard Edition Deep Throat Onacup (£13.99)

      Being a Japanese company, TENGA have to make all their male toys non-explicit in design due to censorship laws. This contoured cup recreates the feeling of oral sex, but looks just like a protein mix or deodorant can from the outside.

    2. Fun Zone Double Pumped Iron Butt and Vagina Male Stroker

      Fun Zone Double Pumped Iron Butt and Vagina Male Stroker (£29.99)

      Do you even lift, bro? This dumbbell-shaped stroker features an orifice at either end for double the fun. Choose from a realistic vaginal opening, or a super-tight butt depending on your "workkout" of choice.

    3. Rocks Off Rise USB Rechargeable 10 Function Male Masturbator

      Rocks Off Rise USB Rechargeable 10 Function Male Masturbator (£69.99)

      We think that this revolutionary male masturbator looks like a spare car part, but in fact, it's a vibrating silicone sleeve that's perfect to use alone or with a partner.

    See all: Male Sex Toys


    Undercover Bondage and Accessories

    BDSM playtime isn't all steel handcuffs and latex, you know. These ambiguous-looking accessories give very few hints as to their real purpose...

    1. DOMINIX Deluxe Adjustable Nipple Clamp Bars

      DOMINIX Deluxe Adjustable Nipple Clamp Bars (£9.99)

      Looking more like chopsticks or knitting needles than nipple clamps, these steel bars are ideal for increasing nipple sensitivity (or nibbling those 9p noodles when you're running low on cutlery).

    2. Sextreme 6mm Double Ended Stainless Steel Ribbed Urethral Dilator

      Sextreme 6mm Double Ended Stainless Steel Ribbed Urethral Dilator (£18.99)

      Urethral sounding is the next big thing, you know. If your unsuspecting housemate finds your probe, though, just brush it off as a cocktail stirrer (but don't let them use it until it's had a good wash).

    3. Liberator Sex Position Wedge

      Liberator Sex Position Wedge (£74.99)

      Pricey though it may be, this wedge-shaped cushion is a must for getting into all those positions that you previously thought impossible. Plus, it doubles up as a super-handy laptop stand - after all, you don't want RSI, do you?

    See all: Bondage


    You may also like: 


    Add a comment
    1. Yes, please! Email me when there are more comments after mine
    2. We need to ask you a question to prove you're a human because evil spam computers keep abusing our form!