• How To Be Better In Bed: Confidence and Losing Inhibitions

    Rebecca DakinI spent 10 years working as a high-class escort, and in 2009 my autobiography The Girlfriend Experience was published documenting my sexcapades. I’m currently working on a sex tips book and a book titled Why Husbands Stray.

    My sex experience is literally hands on, and I learnt a lot about sex and what men want during my time as an escort, and it’s probably not what you think!

    Guest post by sexpert Rebecca Dakin

    Seven Til Midnight Plus Size Halter Neck Bustier TopOne of the main gripes I heard from guys is that their partner won’t let them see them naked; they hide under the bed covers. If your partner wants to have sex with you, then he/she desires you and you shouldn’t be worrying about any skinny or flabby bits.

    Women who are confident with their bodies are a huge turn on for men. Don’t let your body hang ups get in the way of having good sex. Some of the biggest women have the best sex! It is nothing to do with size, good sex is about being confident with who you are, your looks and what you want in bed. Lovehoney have some great quality pieces in their lingerie and plus size lingerie ranges.

    We are all guilty of it and in fact we do it really well - we focus on the things we don’t like and not the things we do. Try to make a conscious effort to not be looking in the mirror and thinking ‘my boobs are too saggy’, ‘my belly is too flabby’ and ‘my stretch marks are ugly’ and definitely never ever say these things out loud, because every time you do you are reaffirming these negative thoughts.

    Think Gok Wan when he does How To Look Good Naked. The women on there don’t change their body shape when they are with him; they just learn to change their opinion of their body. If you can become confident with how you look your sex life will improve drastically.

    Top 10 Tips to Improve Body Confidence

    1.Never say out loud or think anything negative about how you look. If you feel negative thoughts pushing into your head, consciously push them out again.

    Hustler Long Sleeved Crotchless Lace Bodystocking2.When you look in the mirror you are automatically drawn to what you don’t like about your body. Switch it to look at the parts you do like, even if it’s something small like your belly button!

    3. It’s the repetition that makes us believe so if you’re always saying ‘I hate my bum’, then you will believe your bum is horrible. So try saying out loud first thing in the morning and last thing at night whilst looking in the mirror, at least 3 things that you like about your body, no matter how small. If you have the patience and discipline to do this repetition in the long term, you will change the way you view your body for the better. However you must say it like you mean it.

    4. Ask your partner to tell you the parts he likes about your body and why. Keep remembering them, especially when you get your negative thoughts trying to push their way in.

    5.Go shopping on Lovehoney with your partner to find lingerie and play wear that will accentuate the bits of your body your partner likes. If you feel sexy, then you will exude sexiness.

    6. If you get given a compliment, always say thank you, never discount it, even if you don’t agree with what the person is complimenting you on. This is someone else’s opinion and not your own - take the compliment and own it. Allow yourself to feel good about it.

    Earthly Body Trio 3-in-1 Mini Massage Candles (3 x 60g Pack)7. Instead of diving under the bed covers when things are about to get intimate, use low lighting or candles to create a more romantic atmosphere and if you’re not comfortable naked wear sexy lingerie that will enhance your body and make it look its best.

    8. Remember that being confident with your body is a turn on for your partner – do what ever it takes to find this confidence. Things like burlesque, pole dancing and belly dancing are all dances that help hugely with body confidence.

    9.If funds allow there are various therapies that can help you change the way you view yourself – there are many powerful therapies that can change mind sets for confidence and self belief.

    10. Like Gok Wan arrange an artistic, glamourous naked photo shoot and take your man. Once you see photos of yourself looking amazing, and looking your best it will boost your confidence.

    Comments (6)

    • Loulou22: October 27, 2012 01:29
      Great post. I was always so aware of how i looked when i was with someone and it really affected my behaviour. It's only now that im with my current partner that things have really changed. I was self concious when we first got together but after a while i realised all the compliments he was giving me were genuine and he really does love the way i look. The change in my self esteem was great for our sex life and it boosted my confidence outside the bedroom as well.
    • Amy: October 27, 2012 08:15
      How very true! I think women can and do get too hung up on what they percieve to be the ugly parts of their bodies, I know I'm guilty of it. But trying to focus on the parts of my body I am happy with does make me feel better and I know that my partner appreciates it when I make an effort to accentuate those particular parts!
    • Lovehoney Nicole: October 29, 2012 12:05
      Great blog by Rebecca. Confidence is definitely the best thing to bring to the bedroom - not just for women, either.
    • la83: November 06, 2012 08:34
      I am very negative about all of me, I don't like anything, but this is making me think about things. Maybe I am not that bad after all.
    • Savannah: November 08, 2012 00:16
      Confidence Is key and will lead to a better sex life. Especially as men are incredibly visual creatures. I'm not quite sure how that equates to "Why Men Stray" or how this top 10 of teaching your Grandmother to suck eggs is piggybacking off a book promotion. I wouldn't be seeking sexual advice from someone who is happy to have sex with someones partner for money, and then listens to the crap they feed about how their wives don't understand them, to justify their own actions. Some men just enjoy elicit sex regardless. I find you rehashing "feedback" from your sad clients and packaging it to women as help as disgusting. If a man is unhappy and seeks sexual gratification elsewhere before trying to rectify the problem at home then he is at fault, not whether you you have a slight body hang up which everyone does.
    • Ness: November 13, 2012 05:44
      I still think someone offering any form of sex advice is a benefit to women and men. Although, as Savannah has pointed out, not everyone agrees on prostitute nor does anyone understand why men stray. The fact is though, that someone was willing to write down their experiences of both of these, and for everyone they will be different. You don't have to be a prostitute, or sleep around, or similar, to appropriate that offering out this honest voice will help many regardless of their walk in life.
      Rebecca has offered some helpful tips. You can ignore the intro about her back ground if you wish. Although a few of them are pretty basic tips, the way she offers the advice and formulates it will differ from someone else from a different background stating the same.

      Everyone suffers from some form of body confident issue at some people, regardless! And these little bullet points may actually help someone gain back a part of that confidence they are lacking.

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