• I have tried everything, but I just can't orgasm

    I have tried everything, but I just can't orgasm

    The trouble with this is that the longer it goes on, the more pressure we can put on ourselves (and if we don’t, others will, as you describe!) And pressure is one thing the female body does not respond well to.


    julie-peasgoodI have a problem with coming - I can't! Not with men, not with sex toys. I have tried everything I can think of but nothing can satisfiy me. It's so frustrating and my ex-boyfriend used to say there was something wrong with me. Is there?


    Julie Answers...You must be feeling very frustrated, especially as it sounds like you’ve been really committed to trying to find a solution to your problem. It may be helpful to know that a massive 75% of women can’t orgasm through penetration alone. And not being able to reach orgasm at all is a common problem that affects an estimated 12% of women.

    The trouble with this is that the longer it goes on, the more pressure we can put on ourselves (and if we don’t, others will, as you describe!) And pressure is one thing the female body does not respond well to.

    The condition is called anorgasmia, and although treating it can take a lot of time and patience, the good news is that it’s something you can get over, assuming you’re fit and healthy. Since you’ve already tried quite a few things on your own, you need some help now. A good route would be to take yourself through a programme like the one outlined in Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman & Joseph Lopiccolo. I can also recommend Sex for One by the queen of female self-pleasure, Betty Dodson.

    You could start with your GP, providing you’re comfortable discussing sexual problems with them, and make sure you book a double appointment if possible so you’re not rushed. Once they have established that there is nothing physically wrong with you, they will probably want to make a referral to someone with more specialist knowledge. Alternatively your local family planning clinic can sometimes offer psychosexual advice.

    If you’re able to pay for counselling, try Relate but specify you want sex therapy rather than relationship help. The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) may be useful too – they offer a comprehensive range of treatments with experienced therapists. It’s a national charity that’s been established for over thirty years, and until recently it was known as The British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT). Contact them on 020 8543 2707 or info@cosrt.org.uk.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sex explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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