• We only got married a year ago – how can I ignite her passion?

    We only got married a year ago – how can I ignite her passion?

    Our drives are most similar in the early lust-filled stages of dating, when Nature is pumping our bodies with chemicals to make us mate and bond. But once that bonding has taken place (usually within 2 years) then the drive tends to drop.


    Question for Julie

    My partner and I got married a year ago and although our sex life was never fantastic it is going downhill fast. We have sex maybe 4 times a month which is just not enough for me and when we do have sex it's the same every time. I try to talk to her but she says she finds it embarassing to talk about and that I'm putting pressure on her so I have to give up. I have tried so many things I have run out of ideas! How can I ignite her passion? Please help.

    Julie Answers...

    This is such a common problem and one that most guys seem to face. The reality is that women’s libido is lower than men’s, especially in a long-term relationship. Our drives are most similar in the early lust-filled stages of dating, when Nature is pumping our bodies with chemicals to make us mate and bond. But once that bonding has taken place (usually within 2 years) then the drive tends to drop, especially women’s.

    I suspect that your wife’s libido was high enough in the early days to overcome her inhibitions (although you say it was never fantastic) but now, with lower libido and still feeling shy, she’s struggling. My advice would be to develop some new ways to talk. I know it may sound odd but maybe you could email each other? Lots of couples find a non face-to-face environment better for sex talk, especially at first.

    Communicating via email may help her to hear your frustration without feeling defensive, and also give her the space, free from embarrassment or pressure, to consider her response. Explain how you feel and what you want to achieve – and be sure to reassure her that you want to find ways of making sex better for both of you.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sexexplores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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