I use the stop-start method so I don't come too fast, but it ruins things for my girlfriend.

It’s not particularly designed for long-term use. Instead, it’s supposed to get you to the stage where you can recognize the point of ‘ejaculatory inevitability’: when it’s all over bar the shouting.

I’ve been with my girl for five years and at the beginning I’d come within a minute of entering her. I bought a book on the ‘stop-start’ method and now I can last ages (half an hour or more) but only if I use this technique. The trouble is, all the stopping and starting puts her off and she finds it hard to climax because of it. Is there anything else we can do or try?

The stop-start method – him stopping thrusting completely whenever he feels close to orgasm, then resuming when he feels back in control – can be highly effective for controlling premature ejaculation in some men. As you’ve found out. But it’s not particularly designed for long-term use. Instead, it’s supposed to get you to the stage where you can recognize the point of ‘ejaculatory inevitability’: when it’s all over bar the shouting. If you’ve truly mastered this, you shouldn’t have to keep stopping abruptly, more ease back a little so you can instead hover at a stage where you feel in control.

To get to this point, I’d suggest first making sure she has an orgasm before you even attempt intercourse (through oral sex, a vibe, or your fingers). This takes the pressure off both of you. Then try thrusting continuously but slower and shallower. If you still feel like you’re losing control, try sliding the length of your penis between her labia, grazing the clitoris, and avoid inserting it at all, until the last moment when she’s ready to orgasm. You can also try holding a vibrator on her clitoris if you want to stick to the stop-start method to ensure she has constant stimulation.

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