• My partner used to love prostate stimulation and now I missing giving him that pleasure.

    My partner used to love prostate stimulation and now I missing giving him that pleasure.

    It sounds from your letter as if you’re not only missing this element of your love life, but that you really care about your partner’s welfare, so I hope this will help with both.


    Question for Julie

    My partner used to love prostate stimulation. We used several toys, as well as my fingers and it was amazing. There was then an incident where a set of anal beads snapped inside him and it took a while to get them out, he really panicked and was a bit scared off I think. After that I've never been allowed near the area. He says he has haemarroids and it will be sore and bleed if i touch him there. There was cream in his drawer so I guess he isn't lying. I've not been near him for 4 months now and I'm really missing giving him the immense pleasure he used to adore. What can I do to get things back on track?

    Julie Answers...

    It sounds from your letter as if you’re not only missing this element of your love life, but that you really care about your partner’s welfare, so I hope this will help with both.

    It must have been very frightening when the beads snapped inside during use, and though in his case it was probably just bad luck, it’s a useful reminder of the importance of using good quality sex toys – and to avoid combining them with oil or silicone-based lubes, which can cause them to deteriorate.

    But back to the present. I’m sure you’ve explained to him how you miss this aspect of your lovemaking, and how much it turns you on, turning him on in this way. If he has a cream in his drawer, it sounds as though the haemorrhoids are more than just a story to avoid anal play. Having said that, we tend to use ‘haemorrhoids’ as a blanket term, when there are in fact a host of problems that can cause soreness and discomfort in the anal area, including fissures (small cracks) and infections, any of which would benefit from medical attention.

    Either way, he should get a GP referral to a specialist for a checkup and to discuss choices of treatment to put things right – for his own health and wellbeing, apart from anything else. Despite your (and his) previous enjoyment of anal play, we do tend to feel shy of showing partners or even a doctor problems down there, but it’s very important that he does. It’s possible that the incident you describe may even itself have caused some damage at the time. But whatever is going on, I can assure you that any specialist will be fairly unshockable, even if your partner feels too shy to show or discuss it with you.

    Then, once things are put to rights, I would suggest very gentle activity at first, just as for someone completely new to anal play: ie starting with external massage, gradually progressing to a fingertip, or maybe one of the slim but potent Aneros range of massagers – and always, always with plenty of good water-based lube, applied and re-applied at intervals during activity.

    I’m sure if you help him address this, that once he’s established he is back to good health, you can both gradually start to enjoy a return to the activity that’s given you such pleasure. Good luck.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sexexplores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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