I found something that looked like a torch in my husband's bedside drawer... why does he need it?

He probably uses it when you’re not around and he feels aroused. Or perhaps his libido is higher than yours and he’d rather take care of himself than hassle you for sex when you don’t fancy it.

I am writing to you because I’m hoping you might be able to tell me what I found hidden in the back of my husband’s bedside drawer. I thought it was a big torch but when I took the lid off, I got quite a shock because inside it looks like a woman’s lady bits. I don’t understand what it is or why he would need this when he has a wife?

I suspect this is what’s called a ‘Fleshlight’. It looks like a torch because it was invented by an ex LA cop who based the design on the US cop’s standard flashlight. Those are indeed ‘lady bits’ because what you found is what you suspect it is: an artificial vagina (or ‘male masturbatory sleeve’ to use the more politically correct jargon).

The Fleshlight is one of the most popular male sex toys in the world because it’s made from startlingly realistic cyberskin and the inside can be completely customised to whatever he fancies. The idea is for men to thrust in and out of the sleeve. Not only does it provide a (quite satisfying, apparently) orgasm, it does the cleaning up afterward because semen neatly collects in the end. Why would your husband need this when he has the real thing? For the same reason why lots of women (though I’m guessing perhaps not you) own a vibrator, even if they’re happily partnered up. He probably uses it when you’re not around and he feels aroused. Or perhaps his libido is higher than yours and he’d rather take care of himself than hassle you for sex when you clearly don’t fancy it. Or it’s just something ‘naughty’ that’s his dirty little secret, making the gadget even more appealing.

It doesn’t mean he’s gone off you or doesn’t enjoy sex with you just because he has one. So instead of feeling threatened, why not adopt the ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ mentality and treat yourself to a discreetly sized little bullet vibrator and squirrel it away in your bedside drawer. That will not only even the score nicely, you might even come around to the whole sex toy thing!

Tracey Cox details 100 incredible sex positions and describes (alongside fabulous photographs) how you perform each of the positions with your partner in her latest book, 100 Hot Sex Positions.

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