• My wife of 17 years and I used to have a great sex life, but now any sex I feel is out of pity.

    My wife of 17 years and I used to have a great sex life, but now any sex I feel is out of pity.

    I can understand your frustration, especially as you have tried talking to her about the situation, but how about now diffusing the situation entirely and just offering whatever support you can – especially with your kids?


    Question for Julie

    My wife of 17 years and I used to have a great sex life, but the last couple of years things have gone to pot. She doesn't seem interested, any sex I get I feel is out of pity/obligation. I've tried talking to her, she blames the pill she's on, tireness and all sorts – she says it not me its her thats broke. We have 2 kids aged 2.5 and 5 they sleep through now and other than other than the tiredness having kids generates I really don't know what to do. I'd even consider another woman right now if it got me some more interesting action, but I'd much rather it was with my wife.

    Julie Answers...

    At least your wife is taking responsibility in admitting it’s her ‘that’s broke’, but she now needs to take some action. It could well be the Pill she’s on that’s reducing her libido – it is a common side-effect, so talking to her GP would be a good first port of call for her. There may be another Pill that would suit her without making her mojo disappear. Alternatively, you could look together at different methods of contraception.

    I can understand your frustration, especially as you have tried talking to her about the situation, but how about now diffusing the situation entirely and just offering whatever support you can – especially with your kids? Your wife sounds like she’s completely knackered, so if you can enable her to catch up properly on some sleep, she may feel more inclined to have sex when she’s in bed, rather than nodding off as soon as her head hits the pillow.

    You could also try asking her if it’s something you’re doing (or not doing) that’s making her so disinterested. It might be something physical that you’re not even aware of, or she may be experiencing some new physical problem herself. Maybe she’s harbouring some unresolved resentment about something, which would be bound to affect her feelings towards you. (Anger is one of the biggest desire dampeners.)

    Explain how the situation is getting you down, because you still love and fancy her – and that you want her to enjoy, rather than endure, making love with you again. Maybe she’s moved on from wanting some of the more adventurous stuff you used to do together, but invite her to tell you what would appeal and be more likely to turn her on now. Hopefully, with your support, more rest and possibly a change of Pill, she won’t be broke for much longer.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sexexplores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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