• My husband of 26 years wants me to talk dirty and fantasise about other men while were making love.

    My husband of 26 years wants me to talk dirty and fantasise about other men while were making love.

    He obviously finds the idea of you having sex with or being lusted after by other men a turn-on, but if it does the opposite for you, even as a fantasy, then you need to tell him.


    Question for Julie

    My husband of 26 years wants me to talk dirty and fantasise about other men while were making love. I find it very hard and it is destroying our marriage.What can I do?



    Julie Answers...

    The simple answer is to talk to your husband. If you aren’t comfortable doing this, you have to tell him. He might be asking you simply to try and spice up your sex life. Would you feel differently if you knew it was just that, and not something he actually wanted as a reality?

    He obviously finds the idea of you having sex with or being lusted after by other men a turn-on, but if it does the opposite for you, even as a fantasy, then you need to tell him. It’s really important that you each communicate your needs and try to reach a compromise, especially if it’s ruining your marriage.

    As for talking dirty in general, if you find you’re self-conscious, but would like to make it easier for yourself, you can start by saying what’s in your head - like “I want you in me right now...” rather than planning something, which may end up only sound corny and forced. You could also ask your husband to show you the way with it, if you think this might help.

    Practise saying things/talking dirty when you’re by yourself, and if you need some inspiration, there’s a wealth of soft porn books in most bookshops to give you ideas. It’s also much easier if you whisper your dirty nothings in his ear, rather than out loud. Set your own boundaries and let him know what words and phrases you are and aren’t comfortable with. If your husband loves you - and it sounds like he does after 26 years of marriage - then he’ll be happy you’re trying to please him and will respect your wishes in turn.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sexexplores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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