• I have recently rediscovered my libido but my wife just tells me to stop being silly.

    I have recently rediscovered my libido but my wife  just tells me to stop being silly.

    It may feel very odd to her that you want to resume a sex life - especially if things seemed to be OK without one - but you need to convey that you’re serious about your desires, and that this is something you’d like to share together.


    Question for JulieMy wife and I (both in our mid 50s) have got out of the sex habit. We haven't had intimacy for 2 years approx. I have recently rediscovered my libido but if I try approaching my wife she just tells me to stop being silly. I have considered 'visiting a professional' but so far have refrained. Can you offer any advice as I am becoming increasingly frustrated.

    Julie Answers...It’s great to hear you’ve got your mojo back! There are lots of people who fear that once it’s gone it won’t ever return - but you’re proof that it can.

    Now, onto your dilemma. First, your wife needs to know that you are not ‘being silly’. It may feel very odd to her that you want to resume a sex life - especially if things seemed to be OK without one - but you need to convey that you’re serious about your desires, and that this is something you’d like to share together. It may take her some time to get used to the idea and you may have to be patient while your wife does some hunting for her own libido, but as long as the two of you are committed, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a fulfilling sex life again.

    One thing I would say is that you might want to consider how your sex life was in the past, and what led up to the two of you ‘getting out of the habit’. Are there any longstanding anxieties, or feelings of resentment or rejection that you need to address? Or did things become so routine and predictable you both just got bored? If there’s still some unfinished business hanging around, this will undoubtedly affect your intimacy together, so make sure you resolve any possible grievances. And see if you can discuss what would bring some zest back into your lovemaking - to enable you to move on to a brighter future together. Good luck.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sexexplores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (1)

    • BashfulBabe: August 20, 2011 14:05
      Might be worth looking at how you've been mentioning it. Saying "y'know, I fancy a bit of sex" in the same was as you'd suggest going down the park or a trip to B&Q is hardly going to rekindle her desires. Try thinking about how it was 'back in the day' when you'd be first trying to connect with her, and all those little gestures like romantic dinners or sensual compliments might help to spark something by reminding her of how sexy and wanted she felt back then. Obviously, don't rush it, using those kind of acts to pressure or guilt her into it, but making it clear that your head is in the same place as it was back then - you love her and want her and need to express that - will make her realise that she's still desirable as a sexual and sensual woman, instead of just a way to pass a rainy day when you've finished the crossword.
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