• My boyfriend can't keep his erection. Is there anything we can do?

    My boyfriend can't keep his erection. Is there anything we can do?

    He needs lots of reassurance that you enjoy making love with him, that this is not dependent on experience - and also that you actually like his penis!


    Question for Julie

    My boyfriend can't keep his erection long enough to enter me (if it's not in missionary or girl on top). He was a virgin before he met me and can keep it up first time unless we decide to change position then it just goes small. He's worried and I'm a little frustrated with just the two positions. Is there anything we could do or is it a mental thing he has to deal with?

    Julie Answers...

    The answer is yes to both questions. A man’s sexual function requires, amongst other things, confidence. And as you describe him being able to have intercourse successfully in two positions, then it sounds like it is a mental rather than physical block that’s affecting his ability when it comes to variations.

    It’s with good reason that missionary and girl-on-top are so popular: they’re probably the easiest and the most familiar positions to us. At the moment, he feels safe and secure with them, whilst branching out makes him feel worried. This creates a bit of performance pressure in his head, resulting in a loss of erection.

    He is probably very conscious of being less experienced than you sexually. And I reckon you know what I’m going to say next: you need to talk together about it. He needs lots of reassurance that you enjoy making love with him, that this is not dependent on experience - and also that you actually like his penis! Take the focus off positions by having some sessions where you just pay attention to each other’s genitals, taking it in turns to masturbate each other, or bring each other to orgasm orally. Most men will enjoy going down on their partner, and a bi-product is that they usually get very turned on doing it, as they sense your mounting excitement. And it’s a rare guy who doesn’t enjoy getting a decent blowjob.

    Allow plenty of time for some indulgent savouring of each other’s bodies. Explore each other’s fantasies: you may find that ways of dressing, talking dirty, masturbating in front of each other, roleplaying, or watching porn if it appeals, may act as a trigger for him. At the moment, I suspect you both have a sense of you as the experienced one whilst he’s the ‘new boy’. So you need to ease off the pressure, and share some sexual experiences together to move on from this.

    It’s all a matter of confidence – when you break through this temporary barrier as a team, it will allow you to move on in an easy and natural way to the next phase. And, in time, a variety of positions.


    The Greatest Guide to SexRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Guide to Sex explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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