Jerkin' with the Gherkin
I (almost) ran out of words to describe my feelings when I was faced with this week's pick. I unpacked it, looked it up and down, cocked an eyebrow and after much thought, declared it pure genius.
Imagine, if you will, the brainchild of an army of architects, politicians, council planners and hot shots mixed with vegetable-based lady porn. Somewhere between the abuse of vegetables and objectophilia is this week's Awesome Sex Toy of the Week.
I give you... 30 St Mary Axe, AKA The Gherkin Silicone Vibrator.
This may look like your average bit of souvenir tat that only the most tasteless tourist would hold aloft and declare, “Behold! The perfect gift for Granny!” But you are so very wrong.
This vibrator has the now as-standard silicone build and watertight finish, but this ingenious piece of German engineering is also fitted with a vibrating motor that has an impressive 50 speeds and 4 patterns. Beat that for accuracy.
Minimum Gherkin power is barely a purr whereas on maximum the Gherkin will have your knees buckled firmly inward and a funny look on your face in minutes. Turns out that 30 St Mary Axe is the perfect shape for both clitoral and penetrative stimulation... and admit it, some of you Londoners knew it all along.
I hadn’t considered inanimate objects to be that sexy before copping eyes on this pocket-sized vegebuilding, but now my eyes are open to the potential for other saucy sex toys fashioned from some of London’s finest monuments:
- The London Eye Cock Ring
- The Wembley Stadium Male Masturbator
- Nelson’s Column Dildo
- Madame Tussauds Mould-a-Member Kit
- Big Ben Butt Plug
- London Tube Delay Spray
It’s going to somewhat dampen my trip to London this week to know that I won’t be able to bring any of these souvenirs home with me, but at least I can enjoy my very own Gherkin once I get back to Lovehoney HQ.
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