• The sex isn't great, it's not passionate and can feel uncomfortable - what can I do?

    The sex isn't great, it's not passionate and can feel uncomfortable - what can I do?

    My feeling is that you’re not getting fully aroused. This means that your own natural lubrication isn’t getting a chance to kick in, and it’s no wonder that it’s dampening your lust if you’re in pain.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months, he's wonderful and I love being with him as we can discuss everything openly. However, the sex isn't great. It's not passionate and can feel uncomfortable - I do suffer from discomfort during intercourse which really halts any lustfullness we have Is there anything you can suggest to reduce discomfort?

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    From what you say about the lack of passion in your sex life - and the discomfort you’re experiencing, my feeling is that you’re not getting fully aroused. This means that your own natural lubrication isn’t getting a chance to kick in, and it’s no wonder that it’s dampening your lust if you’re in pain.

    Make it a priority to get yourself a personal lubricant – there are masses on the market (and you don’t even have to tell your boyfriend you’re using one if you don’t want to). Some lubricants can damage condoms, so check the small print; water-based ones are the safest. Make sure you get lots more foreplay too - take turns massaging each other and experiment with oral sex, different locations, sex toys or lingerie. Don’t attempt penetration until you’re fully ready and relaxed, and if you experience discomfort in one particular position, let your boyfriend know, so you can change angles.

    But if your discomfort is more of a deep pain within your vagina, or persistent soreness, or any unusual bleeding after having sex, you shouldn’t ignore it or suffer in silence. Book an examination with your GP – fibroids, endometriosis and thrush can all cause a stabbing pain or a dull ache, and although it sounds like it’s more of a lack of lubrication in your case, I’m not a doctor - and you’d be well advised to have a proper check-up to get it sorted.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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