• My husband is verbally and physically abusive and I just don't know what to do. Please help

    My husband is verbally and physically abusive and I just don't know what to do. Please help

    He might be a good dad but it’s definitely not good for your children to witness his emotional, and now physical, abuse.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I’ve been married for twelve years and have two kids aged six and four. For the past couple of years my husband has been verbally abusive and he’s now started shoving me around and slapping me if I say something stupid.

    He repeatedly tells me I’m fat and useless in bed, and that I’m lucky to have him as no-one else would want me. I have zero self-esteem and I’m starting to believe him, but I don’t want to leave as the kids are so little and he’s a good dad. I just don’t know what to do. Please help.

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    He might be a good dad but it’s definitely not good for your children to witness his emotional, and now physical, abuse. And don’t underestimate the damage it’s doing you.

    I’m tempted to advise you to get out now, before things get any worse, but if you don’t feel able to do that, then you need a plan of action to protect you. You don’t have to deal with this alone -  there are many agencies such as Refuge (freephone 0808 2000 247) that offer confidential help and support - or is there a friend or family member you can trust and confide in?

    Start making a private record of events, and in case the situation does deteriorate, it’s a good idea to keep a bag with some money, keys, a list of emergency numbers and a set of clothes for all of you, in a safe place. Domestic violence is a crime - you are not to blame for his behaviour, he’s choosing to control you by intimidation. But remember you also have a choice in how you respond.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (1)

    • bx: May 28, 2011 15:59
      Hello,

      Women's Aid have a forum strictly for survivors of DV particularly for survivors STILL in an abusive situation ... through them and the national DV helpline (the number JP gives in her response) you can find help to either leave or to aid you and your abuser to find a healthier way.

      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/topics.asp?section=00010001000800210001§ionTitle=Messageboard

      There are plenty of options available to you and your husband; - though i'm afraid i do tend to favour leaving when it is as safe as possible to do so -- so please do call the helpline and contact the fabulous ladies (many of whom are still finding their way out of an abusive life situation) to help you find your way.

      Having known only abuse when i met my current partner in 2008 I was astounded at how healing and nourishing having a normal non-abusive relationship can be. and this made me wonder afresh how I managed to survive the hell that abuse is for all of those years.

      You are NOT alone, there are many DV survivors out there, some like myself have been out of abuse for a while and others like yourself are still there and finding their way through. We're all here building a presence online to support each other and help each other find our answers.

      Remember you're not alone (DV survivors come in all sizes, shapes, genders, sexualities, races etc) and NO-ONE has a right to abuse you.

      bx

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