• I want my marriage to work but keep going off sex. How can I stop this happening?

    I want my marriage to work but keep going off sex. How can I stop this happening?

    Like many women, you may be feeling as though sex is just another thing on your ‘to do’ list.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I've been with my husband for six years, and every six months or so I just totally go off sex. It's not that I fancy anyone else, I just feel that I don't need it. I've always been like this but it's very frustrating to my husband who is very sexual. I am starting to feel like a cold fish!

    He doesn't pressure me too much but I know that the longer that we don't have sex for then the more tense we both get. I dread sex happening and he gets really frustrated. As you can imagine it spills over into our everyday lives.

    Like everyone we live busy lives, and I've noticed that the more I have on my plate the less I want sex. We have two small children and I am studying to be a nurse. Help! I really want to keep my marriage going and recognise that I need to make more of an effort! So any tips would help.

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    You’re obviously not a cold fish - it just sounds as if what you really need is more hours in the day and more ‘you’ time to treat yourself. It’s hard for lots of women to feel sexy and in the mood when our lives are so busy and chaotic looking after everyone else’s needs.

    Like many women, you may be feeling as though sex is just another thing on your ‘to do’ list. First I want to say that it’s not only up to you to make an effort. My advice would be to talk to your husband and agree that both of you will make more of an effort to create some ‘space’ to enable you to get yourself in the mood.

    That might mean him taking the kids off your hands for a few hours so you can soak in the bath with a saucy novel, or him taking on extra chores round the house so you can relax - or for you to do something just for you. Once the two of you have got the atmosphere right, then ask him for a pampering massage and trust your body to respond and do the rest.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (1)

    • bx: April 18, 2011 23:41
      I would heartily recommend two books, one by Joan Sewell about her quest to understand her flagged and flagging libido "I'd rather eat chocolate" - and a book by Australian 'Sexpert/sex therapist' Bettina Arndt "The Sex diaries; why women go off sex and other bedroom battles".

      Although i personally have never gone off sex, in fact i'd prefer bad sex to no sex (not abusive sex though, abusive anything is always bad), i know friends who swear by these books, and have read them both myself and found both to e fascinating and wonderfully human.
      bx

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