• Sexual Domination - How Do I Dominate?

    Sexual Domination - How Do I Dominate?

    As children, we are taught that we cannot get our own way by using physical force. I think there is something of this lesson that can be put to practice when taking your first steps into a dominant role. Placing someone into physical bondage while you remain free does not necessarily place you in command. If you take all of the power but have no idea what to do with it, you are in pretty much the same boat as your captive. It is my firm belief that couples can gain much more from power play by leaving out the equipment at first and focusing entirely on one another.

    Becoming accustomed to a role as a dominant lover takes time, even if you're used to leading sex. Although your previous dominance probably hasn't gone unnoticed, it has been unspoken and hasn't been the focus of your or your lover's attention. All lights are on you and what you're going to do next.


    How To Dominate Your Lover With Words

    man sensually dominates his woman loverTo avoid the stage fright that you can be struck with when assuming a dominant role, you can try vocalising your desires. Instead of leading the way to the bedroom in your usual way, try kissing your lover deeply before saying; “I want you to go into the bedroom, take off your clothes and lie face down on the bed.” This request not only affirms your desires, it invokes mystery. What are you going to do next? By asking your lover to lay face down, they are placing themselves in a submissive or receiving position upon your command. Nudity adds to the submissive lover's feeling of vulnerability, especially if you enter the room still clothed.

    This is your opportunity to alleviate any nervousness or tension you both feel. As your submissive lover has done as you asked, you can take the opportunity to give them some small reward. Upon entering the room, seek to soothe your lover. A face down position is not only good for dominating, it's perfect for massage. Tell your lover to close their eyes as you sit next to them. Drizzle cold oil onto their back and allow it to trickle down before gently massaging it up the spine. As you gently rub the oil in, lean in close to your lover's ear and ask, “Do you like the feeling of my hands on your oiled skin?”.

    By asking your lover if they like what you're doing, they are reminded that they have a choice to object, which helps them to relax further. You may not feel that you have done much at all, but in two sentences and one massage, you have asserted yourself as a dominant lover and instilled the idea of submissiveness in your lover. Not one whip, blindfold or handcuff required.

    When introducing lovers in my past to romantic sexual submissiveness, I have found that variations on this theme over a period of time work wonders. It's amazing how much can change within your sexual relationship by using simple yet soft vocal commands and closed questions.

    • I want you to...
    • I am going to...
    • We're going to...
    • Do you like it when I...?
    • Do you want me to...?

    These phrases assist you in asserting your dominance and help you to lead play in the direction you want to take it. Your lover is restricted to yes or no answers, giving them a form of mental gag which adds to the feeling of helplessness in a beautifully subtle way.

    How To Dominate Your Lover With Sexual Pleasure

    In my Guide to Bondage Blog, I wrote a little about tie and tease, a practice whereby the dominant lover ties the submissive lover and brings them to the point of climax over and over before allowing them to finally cum. Sexy stuff.

    man sensually dominates his woman lover with blindfoldTease doesn't require tying and can in fact be more effective in a long term dominant/submissive sexual relationship if you use the same technique to assert your dominance. Ask your lover if they want you to do something that you know ticks their boxes and when they accept, tease around the act. For example, if you've asked if they want you to give them oral sex, spend time kissing their abs or tracing your tongue along the inside of their thigh. Delay the act itself to prolong the anticipation and when you finally get to giving the oral, stop before climax and tell them; “You don't get to cum yet.” The tension built will lead your lover to be ravenous for orgasm and willing to please you to get what they want.

    Tease is a marvellous pathway to bondage as the more you tease your lover, the more eager they will become to climax. They are likely to try to guide you into 'finishing the deed' or may try to intervene with a hand or toy. This is when wrist restraints really come into their own. If they can't behave, you'll have to make them.

    How To Dominate Your Lover Physically

    woman dominates her lover manPhysical dominance is the easiest form of domination to grasp and becomes evermore effective when combined with emotional and mental dominance. Having verbally and responsively placed your lover into the submissive mindset, physical bondage becomes a fluid assertion of your desire to be pleased and obeyed.

    Small acts such as gripping your lover by the collar of their shirt and kissing them or sitting astride their laps to show that you're in the mood for play make strong and sexy statements that are hard to ignore. These kinds of actions show confidence and a lack of fear but also give your lover the message that you are ravenous for them, making them feel desired and sexier.

    Once you've got your wicked way and things are getting underway, guide your lover using physical movements. Slide their hands across your skin to where you want them and do the reverse when they do something you don't want. You can incorporate these physical movements with commands such as 'No' or 'I want them here'.

    As your play flows into penetrative sex, you can use your physique to further dominate your lover. Whether you are stronger or weaker than your partner, you can use your body to assert power and guide play in the direction that you'd like to take it. If you are stronger than your lover, you can physically move and pose your lover into positions and use your force to restrain them if they become a bit too playful.

    If your partner is physically stronger than you, you can still use your physique to your advantage. A collar can help you feel more in control, especially if it has a d-ring you can easily grab onto. Taking domineering positions over your partner such as standing while they're kneeling and sitting on or above them all create a dominant perspective from your partner's position. Gentle bites, tugs on the hair, spanks and hard thrusts all punctuate a dominant sexual performance.

    Domination and Boundaries

    When you assume a position of power over your lover, it's important to remember that your partner's boundaries need to be carefully observed. When first experimenting with domination and submission, play is likely to commence gently and progress slowly, but this isn't to say that those boundaries won't be reached in the early days. For this reason, couples need to ensure they're aware of what one another are happy to explore together.

    You may have heard the term 'safe word' used before and for many couples, this is an excellent tool to distinguish the difference between “Oh stop!” and “Jesus Christ, stop that now!”. It can take a lot of the fun and mystery out of play if you have to discuss and plan it out in advance, so safe words offer a great solution to not only keep play spontaneous, but also to keep everyone happy.

    Your safe word can be anything you choose, but as the dominant it's your job to set it. Make sure your lover knows the word and above all, stop whatever you're doing and move onto something else as soon as you hear it.

    Taking Domination Further

    woman dominates her lover manAfter experimenting with domination, you may have decided it feels right for you. If it feels right for your partner too, then you could be onto something great. There are so many avenues to explore and it's not unusual for couples to embark on a domme/sub lifestyle choice.

    There is no right or wrong way to try and this blog is merely written as a gentle guide for curious, adventurous lovers. If your play is blossoming, you should think about checking out our Erotic Book Collection for titles like The New Topping Book for further tips and games.

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