• My husband I want to conceive but he seems to be getting more interested in porn. Help!

    My husband I want to conceive but he seems to be getting more interested in porn. Help!

    It would be unusual for a couple, however much they still found each other attractive, to still want sex every day after 16 years together.

    Question for JulieQuestion:

    My husband and I have been together for almost 16 years and married for almost 11½. About two years ago we started trying to get pregnant. I have been having trouble because of age (I'm 36, he's 37), and other fertility issues.

    Trying to get pregnant obviously involves a lot of sex. Sometimes every day. My husband used to have no problem with sex every day (sometimes more than once a day), but he’s been having trouble with this lately. He keeps reminding me he’s not 18 any more, and I completely understand.

    If he’s having trouble getting into the mood, we sometimes watch porn for a bit before having sex. I have no problem with this (although some if it is less than interesting to me). However, the other night he was having trouble ejaculating and asked if we could watch porn while having sex. I allowed him to do this.

    I am trying to be accepting because we really want a child, but this makes me a little uncomfortable. I feel like I’m still sexy, and he tells me I am. I may weigh more than I did when we first starting dating, but I think my shape is still pretty good overall. I still get looks from other men.

    I know we have been married a long time, and I don’t think he would ever cheat on me, but should I be worried?

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    No, I don’t think you should be worried. I sympathize, as it can be a tremendous strain for both parties trying to conceive in the face of difficulties. It sounds as though you have a good relationship, and care about each other.

    It would be unusual for a couple, however much they still found each other attractive, to still want sex every day after 16 years together. So by necessity the situation is a bit pressured - and your husband has been honest enough to admit that, when he says he’s not 18 any more.

    I’m glad he tells you he still finds you sexy (and that you feel it!) as a lot of people don’t bother. But he’s the one who has to ‘deliver the goods’, and it’s bound to be demanding sometimes, when he otherwise wouldn’t be in the mood.

    So, onto the porn. You’ve been OK about him using it for a bit of a ‘warm-up’, but you need to explain to him how you feel uncomfortable actually watching it during sex to help him ejaculate and that it makes you feel insecure.

    I don’t think it’s a sign of him losing interest in you - more desperation, to try and keep his engine going! I suggest you don’t get into the habit of using it regularly to help him ejaculate, but instead borrow a few ideas from the films, and sometimes give him a really good handjob or blowjob to get him nearly all the way there, and then quickly pop it in at the last minute.

    It may sound a bit mechanical, but you’re wanting regular deliveries from him, so let’s be practical! Finally, make sure you both agree on how long to keep trying. It’s sometimes when a couple decide to let themselves off the hook that they get a nice surprise.

    And bear in mind that some fertility experts say sex every other day is actually better when you’re trying to get pregnant. The thinking is that it helps to replenish supplies so it’s better for the density of sperm - which could increase your chances of conception. Good luck.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (1)

    • fos: June 25, 2010 15:58
      I'm wondering why you're starting to try to conceive so late in the relationship - what has happened to make you want this now? Couples tend to start trying after 2-3 years of marriage but after 11.5 yrs I'm wondering if something has happened to change the dynamic of the relationship.

      Sex every other day is usually a good idea when you're trying to conceive. However, if you've been trying for over 2 years then you should really seek medical advice about your fertility issues.

      If you approach your doctor now you will still qualify for the 3 free cycles of IVF on the NHS. Past the age of 40 they won't give you IVF & you'll have to fund it yourself.

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