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I've constantly rejected my partner's requests for sex - and now he's rejecting me. What can I do?

Tracey Cox
by Tracey Cox on March 06, 2010 04:34 6 comments  |  Add a comment
I've constantly rejected my partner's requests for sex - and now he's rejecting me. What can I do?

As much as it’s awful being pressured into sex, it’s not so great being constantly rejected either. He may have decided it’s not worth trying anymore.


QuestionQuestion:

I don’t have a huge sex drive and my partner constantly hassled me for sex in the past. I said no pretty much all the time and now he’s stopped asking.

I actually approached him for sex recently, in an effort to patch things up, and he rejected me. I’m confused and also a bit scared. Did I say no once too often?

 

AnswerTracey Says:

As much as it’s awful being pressured into sex, it’s not so great being constantly rejected either. He may well have decided it’s not worth trying anymore and knocking you back is his way of letting you know what it feels like his end.

If you genuinely want to get your sex life back on track, try apologising. Say "I’m sorry I’ve rejected you so often. It must have felt awful at your end. Can we talk about where to go from here?”.

Hopefully this will lead to an open, honest discussion and compromise. It’s not easy balancing two different sex drives but it can be done if both of you are prepared to meet in the middle.


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Comments (6)

  • OJ: March 06, 2010 09:22

    Ahh thats bad..hope you guys sort it out :-)

  • Kitty: March 06, 2010 10:11

    You say you offered sex in an effort to patch things up, but not because you felt any desire towards him - maybe he detect this, that it was not something you genuinely wanted and it was just an offering or rather a sacrifice to him.

    One thing I will say about a womans sex drive, if it isn't used it dies. Maybe you can go to sexual relations councelling to sort this out, I know relate do this as a specialism. It sounds like a serious problem as most men do not want to go without sex.

  • becks: March 06, 2010 12:40

    Oh dear.
    Communication and compromise is the key to any good relationship and to any good sexual relationship.
    The first step i'd say is for both of you to sit down and engage in conversation, not recriminatory conversation but mature sharing.

    Someone i knew would, if she did not feel like sex herself for a long while, help him to masturbate so it was still a joint activity ... in doing things like this as well as engaging in none sexual cuddling, kissing, intimate holding they were able to find a place where her 'libido' increased somewhat. In turn he stopped putting alot of pressure on her to have sex and they re-built their sex lives and relationship in many ways. So far as i'mnow aware it is stronger than it has ever been.

    They also shared sexual fantasies ... for her it was an effort at first as she had almost no sexual desire at all ... but she found in activating her sexual imagination this also helped in the long term for the re-activation of her sex drive, to a degree.

    Being rejected sucks, as you now know yourself, not only is it 'no sex for a man' but its a rejection of him as a person, or that is how it can seem.

    There is a good proverb about walkinga mile in someone elses moccasins that is particularly helpful for good relationships i think :)

    good luck
    becks

  • Cale: March 07, 2010 14:58

    If you are constantly rejecting him, then you're probably not attracted to him.. Or so he thinks. Or maybe he thinks you are getting it somewhere else. Either way it's not good and sucks for him.. He will be forced to stray if you keep rejecting him.... You guys need to take a break from your everyday life and start dating again. Even renting a room across town will work wonders... Do things more risky... Make it feel like a fling. Don't be afraid to get dirty. In a nutshell, you need to start over from the beginning. Don't make it out to be your duty to do so... That's the worse turn off you can do... He needs to know your sexual drive is geared towards him and that you would go crazy without it... Believe it or not, men need to feel secure also...Good luck and cheers.......

  • Jennifer: March 10, 2010 00:29

    I agree with Cale. Take time for the two of you and go on dates again. Maybe try spicing things up again with a romantic walk, a candle light dinner, or even go to the adult store together and pick something out. I find that after you have been together for a while and that new relationship spark is gone you need to find ways to keep it new and fun. Check out my website at sexualdelights.ca for some ideas. If you are not into adult toys you may enjoy a hot massage using a scented soy candle. They are LOVELY and very inexpensive!
    I think if you show that you are putting more effort into your sex life your partner will feel like you are not doing it because you have to. but because you are actually into him. Good luck!

  • Steve: March 14, 2010 09:29

    Sorry Jennifer, but a "romantic walk" or a "candle light dinner" isn't spicing things up.

    Tracey has it spot on. If a guy keeps getting knocked back he'll eventually give up.

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