I have a daughter and a male partner but I'm turned on by lesbian porn. Is this normal?

The fact that you like lesbian porn doesn’t mean you’re gay/bi-sexual or any other label - it just means you have a healthy imagination!

Question:

I am a mum to a five year-old daughter and have been with my current partner for about three years now. We do have a healthy sex life - well, we have a lot of sex.

The thing is, in the afternoons I masturbate to lesbian porn, then come evening I'm either satisfied or I'm reliving the lesbian porn in my head to carry on with the sex with my partner.

I'm not gay, I know I'm not, but I'm worried as I can't get turned on without it anymore? Is this normal? 

Julie Says:

Fantasies are an entirely normal part of our sex lives - in fact according to a recent UK survey, around 90% of people think about someone else during sex with their partners. The fact that you like lesbian porn doesn’t mean you’re gay/bi-sexual or any other label - it just means you have a healthy imagination!

The issue for you though, is that it sounds like you’ve become fixated on lesbian porn as your sole turn-on trigger - and only having one route to any destination is limiting. It’s also undermining your relationship with your partner if you’re not able to focus on him at all, or you’re not needing sex with him because you’re getting enough by yourself.

Try exploring some other ways to turn yourself on - LoveHoney have a great selection of erotica - both films and books with varying themes that can spark new ideas for you. Check out ‘The Good Sexual Fantasy Guide’ by Emily Dubberley, and take a look at the collections of true female fantasies in any of Nancy Friday’s books, as these will also inspire you to create some new sexy images and situations (but try to steer clear of the letters about lesbian fantasies and borrow some of the other scenarios!).

If you find you’re constantly returning to your favourite theme, why not consider bringing your partner in on the fantasy? You could share a scenario with him - maybe involving the three of you - as long as you think he won’t feel threatened.

Even if he’s just watching the action in the fantasy, at least he’s not being excluded. It’ll also give him some valuable insights into what turns you on - and being so honest about your secret desires may even bring you closer together, too.

Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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