• I have a daughter and a male partner but I'm turned on by lesbian porn. Is this normal?

    I have a daughter and a male partner but I'm turned on by lesbian porn. Is this normal?

    The fact that you like lesbian porn doesn’t mean you’re gay/bi-sexual or any other label - it just means you have a healthy imagination!


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I am a mum to a five year-old daughter and have been with my current partner for about three years now. We do have a healthy sex life - well, we have a lot of sex.

    The thing is, in the afternoons I masturbate to lesbian porn, then come evening I'm either satisfied or I'm reliving the lesbian porn in my head to carry on with the sex with my partner.

    I'm not gay, I know I'm not, but I'm worried as I can't get turned on without it anymore? Is this normal?

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    Fantasies are an entirely normal part of our sex lives - in fact according to a recent UK survey, around 90% of people think about someone else during sex with their partners. The fact that you like lesbian porn doesn’t mean you’re gay/bi-sexual or any other label - it just means you have a healthy imagination!

    The issue for you though, is that it sounds like you’ve become fixated on lesbian porn as your sole turn-on trigger - and only having one route to any destination is limiting. It’s also undermining your relationship with your partner if you’re not able to focus on him at all, or you’re not needing sex with him because you’re getting enough by yourself.

    Try exploring some other ways to turn yourself on - Lovehoney have a great selection of erotica - both films and books with varying themes that can spark new ideas for you. Check out ‘The Good Sexual Fantasy Guide’ by Emily Dubberley, and take a look at the collections of true female fantasies in any of Nancy Friday’s books, as these will also inspire you to create some new sexy images and situations (but try to steer clear of the letters about lesbian fantasies and borrow some of the other scenarios!).

    If you find you’re constantly returning to your favourite theme, why not consider bringing your partner in on the fantasy? You could share a scenario with him - maybe involving the three of you - as long as you think he won’t feel threatened.

    Even if he’s just watching the action in the fantasy, at least he’s not being excluded. It’ll also give him some valuable insights into what turns you on - and being so honest about your secret desires may even bring you closer together, too.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (3)

    • hornyBB: January 30, 2010 17:50
      I feel the same as you. Girl-on -girl turns me on but I share my fantasie with my partner and we both get off on it :-)
    • Jerry: January 30, 2010 20:20
      My wife and I are straight, but my wife does enjoy having some playtime with her girlfriends as well. It doesn't mean that she has any chance of falling in love with a girl (lesbianism), she just loves having sexual experiences with other girls. She also really enjoys the boys as well, so she is really a bisexual person.

      What has helped us deal with her enjoyments is a fun thing called swinging. As it turns out there are MANY MANY people who enjoy this, just like we do. Among this group there are lots of variations on what people enjoy. So we meet with people and if we have compatible desires then we get to know them better. Sometimes it can lead to the bedroom, sometimes not, but the entire environment is very liberating. It is a wonderful thing to be able to talk freely with other like-minded people, without the worry about being judged.

      She loves to play with attractive men and women, and I like the girls, so we have the best times when we meet other couples. But there are many couples who only enjoy girl/girl play. It doesn't really seem fair to us that people are that way, but it works for them so we don't judge. You two may enjoy only that, but you may decide to go further. Be open minded to any experience that comes your way.

      Over the last few years these experiences have brought us so much closer than we have been before. We met when we were teenagers and have been married for 18 years now. We have had some really amazing experiences together and hope to continue until we are dead. Life is good!

    • becks: February 02, 2010 02:07
      might be worth for a week or so substituting watching porn/erotica with writing out fantasy scenarios involving you and partner and whomever else you fancy, maybe get your partner to try the same for the same period and for the next week you have your afternoon masturbatory time to one of your and/or your partners fantasies ...

      who knows where such fantasy sharing might lead? :)

      good luck

      bx

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