• We've been happily married for over 25 years and we'd like to try swinging. Any advice?

    We've been happily married for over 25 years and we'd like to try swinging. Any advice?

    It won’t suit you if you’re prone to jealousy and it’s certainly not likely to help if there’s any kind of tension or rift between you.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    We are a married couple who have been together over 25 years. We are happy, settled, secure and very comfortable with each other. We feel that we would like to experiment with swinging.

    We have discussed it fully and both agree that sex is fun, but it is not about love. Love is the long term emotional bond we share. We are not sure how far we want to go, but we know we want to experiment. Do you think this is wrong?

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    No I don’t think it’s wrong that you want to experiment - as long as you’re both in agreement it’s what you want to do. In the words of Woody Allen, “Sex between two people is a beautiful thing. Between five, it’s fantastic.”

    But on a serious note, it’s very important to establish some ground rules before you start swinging - so if one of you changes your mind at any point, you each agree to respect the other’s decision. And always keep the lines of communication open between you.

    Discuss it fully with your husband first, and agree the boundaries you would each require. You should never be forced into doing something you don’t fancy - in fact the number one swinging rule is ‘No means no’.

    It won’t suit you if you’re prone to jealousy and it’s certainly not likely to help if there’s any kind of tension or rift between you. But if your relationship is secure, and you’re both sexually adventurous and reasonably confident about your bodies, some couples find swinging can be an exciting and powerful adventure.

    Above all, practise safe sex at all times; more people equals more risk, so always use condoms. Do check out the rules for swinging before you embark on anything - just to make sure it really is for you. There are plenty of clubs and websites, but get an idea of the general protocol from the advice section of the Swinging Heaven website.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (2)

    • Maz: January 20, 2010 21:31
      don't go there it's not worth it we tried and spily up coz i couldnt cope
    • Jerry: January 28, 2010 17:19
      The best way to describe swinging is this: It will enhance EVERY part of your relationship. The good parts, as well as the bad. So be prepared for some absolutely amazing experiences, but be sure that you have a solid relationship to start off with because swinging is not a cure for any relationship problems. If you go into it thinking that you might fix something then you will do only harm.

      If you can honestly say that you and your spouse are good friends, love each other, and can visualize seeing each other in the arms of another person and feel nothing but happiness in the joy and fun your spouse is having, then you will have no issues at all!

      We have been married for 18 years and swinging for the last three years. We have never felt closer and had more in common than we do now. It has been a wonderful experience for the two of us and the friends we have made are some of the best we could ask for.

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