• Safe Words and Bondage

    Safe Words and Bondage

    It might seem like a minor detail – unsexy, even – but choosing the right safe word for BDSM play is an important decision to make.

    Whether your partner's wielding a 22 Inch Sportsheets Rubber Whip or the Fetish Fantasy Singapore Stinger Paddle III, you really need to know how to make them stop. No, I mean stop. I said stop! It's not fun anymore!


    A safe word is something you can bawl out at any moment, to guarantee that whatever you've been doing, or whatever's being done to you, will stop immediately.

    The trouble with using something literal like 'stop' or 'no' is that half the time, especially when you're doing roleplay, words like this can easily be taken to mean 'yes' and 'more, please'.

    But what word to choose? The Lovehoney forum has a long-running thread devoted to exactly this problem. You can find some suggestions (including 'parsnip', 'spatula' and 'Maggie Smith'), or put forward your own ideas by heading across to join our Orgasm Army right now!

    Meanwhile, here are a few suggestions from us:

    1. Use the Traffic Light System
    Sportsheets Neck and Wrist RestraintVery useful, this. Obviously, 'green' means go for it, do it faster, harder, etc. And 'red' is your safe word: stop it now, these nipple clamps are hurting, I'm in pain, ceasefire!

    But the traffic light system also offers you 'orange', which basically means something along the lines of: ‘I'm fine with this but we're heading into dangerous waters so go slowly because I can imagine it getting a bit rough and I really wouldn't like that.

    2. Develop a 'safe action'
    Bondage Boutique Leather and Rubber Face Harness Ball GagIf you've got a ball gag in your mouth and you suddenly feel like a trip to A&E, safe words are suddenly irrelevant. For such eventualities, give yourself access to a jingling cat toy or a tennis ball. The bright colours and strange sounds will instantly alert your partner to how you’re feeling.

    Alternatively, you can ‘tap out’ like they do in wrestling. Hitting a nearby surface three times will signal that you'd like your human rights re-instated, thanks. Or you could learn semaphore.

    But if it turns out you've been trussed up in duct tape, gagged, blindfolded and suspended upside-down from a chandelier, you're on your own. Sorry.

    3. Make them laugh
    Eamonn Holmes safe wordSafe words are most important when you're embarking on some serious BDSM, and there's something deadly earnest about bondage fantasies. It follows that the best way of making it stop is to break the rules and say something stupid.

    Most of the safe words submitted from the Lovehoney Community are this type: pineapple, penguin, energy-saving light bulb, handbag, spatula, aerodynamic. We can carry on: Eamonn Holmes, Strangepork, Sheffield Wednesday, pension funds, shower cap, sensitivity training group, Gub-Gub.

    However, make sure you've agreed on something beforehand – don't think you can just say silly stuff when the time comes. After all, you might not be able to think much past 'Aaaaoouugh'.

    4. Lies
    Bondage Boutique Steel Studded Leather and PVC MaskBreak character to manufacture some elaborate fiction that will distract your dominator long enough for you to get free. Like, your shoes are untied. Your mum's at the door. We left the oven on. I want a divorce. But be careful - this doesn't always work. 'The room is on fire' might, for example, sound like too much of a compliment.

    Hopefully this blog has enlightened you to the important need for safe words in BDSM but check out these articles from sexperts Tracey Cox and Bonny Hall for more information about responsible bondage play.

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