How Important is Regular Sex in a Relationship?
There was recently quite a controversial blog post on Lovehoney from international sex expert Tracey Cox, dealing with the subject of lack of sex in a long term relationship.
This post caused many interesting follow up comments, some agreeing and some disagreeing.
As we like to give a range of opinions, we asked the original Orgasm Coach, Lisa Turner, to give her view on sex and relationships.
Lisa is probably best known for her research into orgasm and its ability to affect a woman’s career. Lisa found that while men lose energy through orgasm, women become empowered and gain clarity of thought, meaning that they can move up within a company and become career confident.
But Lisa Turner is more than a one-trick-pony. Lisa also specialises in a form of sexual therapy that leaves you feeling energised and ready to take on the world, instead of emotionally drained afterwards.
So who better to take on this tricky topic than the Orgasm Coach herself!
Find out more below the jump...
How important is regular sex in a relationship?
"Sex is the glue that binds a couple together and the barometer of how well the relationship is doing. But we know that men and women approach sex from very different perspectives. Tantra and an understanding of sexual energy offer an explanation as to why this is.
It is based on how men and women 'penetrate' the world. Look at the way men and women physically penetrate the world, imagine silhouettes of a man’s and woman’s body in profile.
Notice that the part of a man’s anatomy that bulges out is his genitals, showing that he penetrates the world first with his sexuality. His sexuality is then the gateway to his heart, love and emotions.
Now look at the woman and you’ll notice that it is her breasts that stick out first. She penetrates the world with her heart and for her to access her sexuality she needs her heart to be activated.
Basically – men often find that they need sex before they can feel and give love, and women often need to feel and give love before they can feel sexual.
Women will feel “hassled for sex” whereas if a man is deprived of sex, he can feel unloved. Many women will know that chatty, open and relaxed way your man communicates with you following sex. This is his heart opening to you as a result of you opening your sexuality to him.
This inherent imbalance might sound like a disaster for relationships but there are plenty of ways round it.
The simple way to solve this is to do what I sometimes suggest to my couples: Have sex twice. The first time is for him, the second for her. And the second time can be the next night or a whole week later!
Other ways are for both the man and woman to learn how to open their own heart and sexuality. So the woman learns how to turn on her own sexuality, so that she is sexually open and ready for her partner, and the man learns to open his heart so he can give and receive the love that his partner needs for her to feel aroused.
Another reason that sex is important in a relationship is not only because it’s a way of giving and receiving love, but it is also an energy exchange. Men actually give a woman life force energy during sex, and for a woman to reject sex, he will feel she is rejecting his gift.
This energy might be just what she needs to release any blocks she has and him 'hassling her' could be that unconsciously he knows this and is why he wants to give her this gift.
So rather than a 'duty shag' think of it as a gift of his energy. He is simply trying to love you in the way that he knows best.
Of course the ideal would be for them both to learn Tantra so that his heart can open and her sexuality can open when they choose.
Tantrikas (those who practice tantra) can spend up to 2 days preparing themselves and each other energetically for sex. Sex is so much more than a physical act or the emotions that come into play.
The energy exchange is a huge part and this is why people get so excited about sex (excuse the pun)!"
Find out more about the Orgasm Coach and her Ecstatic Living course over at her brilliant site. You won't be disappointed!