Lovehoney's Interview With The Witty and Wonderful Serial Mistress
The term 'mistress' has a tendency to put a lot of people on edge.
From soap operas to chat shows to lunch time news updates, the word mistress is often used negatively to represent a woman who 'steals other women's men'.
But this really isn't the case, as the fabulous Karen Marley is quick to point out.
Karen has been dubbed a 'serial mistress', a title that she has embraced and used to her advantage in her own Serial Mistress blog, despite the often negative connotations.
We caught up with the Serial Mistress to find out more about the woman behind the blogs and one of the most commented articles on the Daily Mail site...
Carly Drew: For those very few people who haven't heard of you, can you give us a brief overview of how you ended up becoming a 'serial mistress'?
Serial Mistress: I had been dating on the 'net for a while. As a single girl I had tried a couple of sites but found either married guys pretending to be single, or single guys wanting to be married.
I absolutely love my single life, living alone and having my freedom, so a single guy who wanted a full time relationship didn't suit me. The single guys of a certain age seemed clingy and desperate, or wanting to sow their wild oats with no respect or consideration.
Then I discovered Illicit Encounters where the men were all attached and looking for a caring close relationship/friendship in addition to their marriage. It suited me perfectly. I had the best of both worlds: A fabulous, charismatic, successful man to meet once a week for dinner, drinks or something delightful, while leaving time free to do my own thing, seeing my friends, family and other men.
I didn't want a relationship with a man that would be all consuming and I didn't want someone who expected me to be lonely while I waited for him. On the site, everyone seemed at ease with the arrangement and it suited all parties.
As an active member of the site, I was approached by a journalist and asked to tell my story. The label 'serial mistress' appeared and the rest, you could say, is history.
CD: The term 'mistress' seems a bit aggressive, do you like it as a title for yourself?
SM: The dictionary definition of Mistress is a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.
So, if we take that name literally, then no, I don't like it as a title for myself. I receive no financial support whatsoever, and never would, I see myself as a companion, a friend and sometimes a lover, not all necessarily at the same time. I can be different roles to different people, and I certainly don't sleep with every man I meet. I am incredibly selective and only when everything is right do I take this any further than friendship.
The men I meet want a friend first and foremost. They want someone to talk to, to remember how it felt to talk about random subjects, rather than work, bills and children. To laugh about things they used to laugh about 20 years ago, to dance in the kitchen for no reason, to be impulsive and excitable without being criticised or told to act their age, and more importantly to feel wanted, appreciated and liked for them, rather than being a husband, father and provider.
Women need the same and many members of Illicit Encounters are married women who are also missing out on the thrill of a new relationship or friendship. We all crave excitement in our lives, it's very easy to get lost in the mundane, so knowing there is someone who is interested in what they have to say at the end of the phone can be a life line for some. It doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be a full blown relationship, an intimate friendship can be just as fulfilling and satisfying.
And for that reason I don't consider myself solely a 'Mistress'. Society dictates we should all be labelled but I am under the label of Mistress and, as such, that umbrella brings me criticism and judgement, but the majority of the time I am a friend, a confidante and a companion.
CD: When people find out about what you get up to, who do you find is more accepting; men or women?
SM: I have found men far more accepting of what I do, simply because they see the benefits of having a friend or lover who makes no demands on the relationship. Men are certainly more open to hearing the full story but women hear the word mistress and close down. However the attached women who are bored, lonely or unfulfilled do listen and appreciate the position I'm in. They consider the possibility of having a hassle free relationship with a view to it eventually helping their own.
Many attached people I know have taken a lover or close friend and it has relieved the boredom of their own situation. Boredom and loneliness can lead to resentment which culminates in arguments and unnecessary pressure. By stepping outside of the situation, that pressure can be alleviated and it is possible to see from a distance what brought you together in the first place.
CD: Have you ever been caught out or approached by anyone's wife?
SM: I have endured a couple of phone calls from irate wives who have found my number on a carelessly discarded phone and jumped to conclusions. I have never been angry or rude, I have simply explained, honestly, that we are friends, she has nothing to worry about and she would probably be best discussing it with her husband who has clearly got issues with their relationship. I don't get into 'slanging matches' with a wife. That is not my place, style or what I am in the relationship for. I am not there to take him away; I would rather help her see that there may well be something she could resolve with her husband, for the better. Unfortunately, though, rage can be blinding.
I would never purposely put myself in the line of fire, but sometimes men simply underestimate how clever their wives actually are!
CD: Having read your wonderfully naughty 'Erotic Mistress' blog, I was wondering where your favourite place for illicit sex has been?
SM: I have so many places I love for an illicit encounter. I have never been a 'bedroom' girl. I simply adore trying new places and new experiences. Creativity and imagination have always been a huge turn on for me. I'm sure that's why I have a varied collection of toys, gorgeous underwear and exciting 'props'. There should be no excuse for putting up with a boring love life when there is so much out there to spice things up and make it fun.
I adore outdoor encounters, especially in the summer, and as my blog followers know, I am partial to a little naked sunbathing. Feeling the sun on my skin either while I sunbathe or have an illicit encounter always makes me feel amazing.
I love trying 'public' places but not with the intention of getting caught and obviously, due to the nature of the relationships I have, there is a need to be extra vigilant, but sometimes it does add to the thrill of the encounter.
Saying that, I don't think a girl can beat a 5 star hotel in the middle of the stunning Yorkshire dales, a beautiful meal, a roaring fire, and a luxurious bedroom to retire to, in peace, not to be disturbed until morning!
CD:It seems that one of the joys of being a Mistress is that you get to be completely uninhibited during sex, is there anything that you're yet to try that you're interested in?
SM: I have always been incredibly broad minded and find no issue discussing what makes me happy with a partner. It opens up the possibility for new and exciting sensations and experiences and I consider myself blessed for having such a fulfilled sex life.
I would consider I have tried every fantasy I have ever come across, and then some, and other than illegal or painful acts, I have nothing specific that comes to mind that I haven't done. I love to watch pornography with a partner and often read erotica, and I do believe that anticipation is a wonderful aphrodisiac, so a long build up to an erotic encounter is priceless. I would suggest all I want to try now is more of the same I have already done, in places I've never tried, but bizarrely enough Disneyland leaps to mind!! Maybe I'll save that for another blog...
CD: What is your Mistress must-have?
SM: Everyone who knows me appreciates my love of footwear. I currently have 127 pairs of heels and adore beautiful shoes of any style. It is never simple walking in a serial mistresses shoes, so I need to have beautiful ones to make the journey easier. My shoes are definitely part of the 'kit'. Shoes need to be worn well, not just thrown on, they are all part of the image, however they always look better when they are topped off by a beautiful lingerie ensemble and sheer stockings. I'm a stockings girl, never tights - there should be a law against them - and I adore wearing them. It's a turn on making an effort for my partner.
To complete the look is immaculate hair and make-up. Women should make an effort for themselves, more so than for their partner. I do. And although the man appreciates it, I love to feel groomed, glamorous and beautiful. If you feel sexy on the outside, no matter what size or shape you are, then the sexiness will ooze from the inside!
The attached men I meet really appreciate the finishing touches; the matching outfits, the coordinated nails etc, because they are coming from a wife/girlfriend who is either too busy, too tired or too complacent to make the effort. But come on guys, it's not just about us looking perfect; you should be making the effort too. Wax occasionally and splash out on the good aftershave, don't assume Lynx will cure everything.
Another essential for me is perfume; I simply can't have sex without expensive perfume dabbed in all the places I want him to go, almost like a map for him to follow.
My toy collection is very important to me, and any man who has an 'issue' with a girl who likes the occasional plastic friend doesn't get very far with me. They are included in sex play, and interesting role play scenarios, and I always have one in my handbag in case I get the urge! I like a man to be comfortable with that and no guys, we don't use them because you're not 'enough' for us, we use them because we can!
Finally, condoms. No encounter is complete without them, and I can never stress it enough - no matter what age you are, no encounter is worth itching or dying for! So wrap it up girls, and make the most of the easy clean up after! But beware the Curry flavoured ones!
If you want to find out more about Karen and all the naughty things she gets up to, check out her amazing blogs Serial Mistress, Agony Mistress and Erotic Mistress - the perfect way to spend an afternoon!