• My partner would like me to have a threesome. I am not sure - what should I do?

    My partner would like me to have a threesome. I am not sure - what should I do?

    Your partner certainly isn't the only one with these thoughts, but my advice is that the reality here can be very different from the fantasy.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    My partner would like me to have a threesome and would love to watch me have sex and oral with one or two men. I am not sure - we are in are 50s and need something to spice up our sex life (although we have always enjoyed a fairly active sex life doing just about everything two people can do).

    This will be a first - what is your advice please, and it would be nice if I knew my partner is not the only one with these thoughts.

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    Your partner certainly isn't the only one with these thoughts, but my advice is that the reality here can be very different from the fantasy.

    Think carefully before embarking on a threesome as they can disrupt the balance of your relationship and bring out all the insecurities and jealousies - and reading between the lines Pat, you already sound a little troubled as to why your partner is wishing to bring someone else in on the act.

    Talk it all through, and make sure you both want to. Never embark on a threesome just because he wants it - especially if you're harbouring serious doubts.

    If you decide you would like to experiment - and for many people it is an intensely erotic experience - discuss the ground rules properly before you find your three-way partner. Then sit down together and talk about what's OK - and what's not OK - with them too. Pick someone you can both trust, and always use condoms - more people equals more risk.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (2)

    • Helena: June 30, 2009 12:55
      How many couples end up at Relate after trying to "spice things up" in this way?
      I can't understand for the life of me why a man would want to watch the woman he loves having sex with another person? I find it truly bizzare.
      I wouldn't find it highly erotic Julie, just highly sickening, when you love someone the last thing you would them to do is have the deepest, most initmate and spiritual bond that two people can share, with someone else! True love is all consuming, eyes for nobody else and nothing / no one else is good enough, if it's not, then it's not any kind of love at all.
      Not all fantasies are harmless if actually played out.
      I find it heartbreaking that there are people who actually do this.
    • Lubyanka: July 27, 2009 10:01
      I'm sorry you find any example of non-monogamy heartbreaking, Helena. Perhaps you might feel better knowing that many people feel much more positively and joyful about having relationships with more than one person. For example, I am polyamorous, and one of the main feelings about polyamory is that love is an infinite resource which can be shared with infinite numbers of people. Just as a parent can love all of their children equally no matter how many they have, for me and many other poly people, the same is true for partners.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

      I feel pleasure when I know that my partner is experiencing joy with somebody, and my partner feels pleasure when he knows that I am experiencing joy with somebody. We call that "frubbles".

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion

      I appreciate that for you, "true" love is all consuming and limited to sharing between two people only, and that you do not consider a feeling to be "true" love if it lacks any of those characteristics. However, for many of us, love is infinitely diverse, and can be shared in diverse ways by diverse people in whatever ways suits the individuals best. Personally, I try to speak for myself about how I feel about things, because how can I possibly know what "true" love is for anybody other than myself? After all, I'm not a mind reader. :)

      http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/one-true-way/

      I hope that helped you to feel better about other people sharing their love in ways which differ from yours.

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