• Our sex life stopped abruptly eight weeks ago. What could be the reason for this?

    Our sex life stopped abruptly eight weeks ago. What could be the reason for this?

    As you're so precise about the date your sex life started dwindling it seems likely that there is a specific reason or event behind this.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I have going with my partner for eight years and there is an age gap of 15 years between us. Our sex life has been really good, then all of a sudden it stopped eight weeks ago for no reason. I am sure he's not sleeping around.

    Do you have any idea why this has happened?

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    I reckon an open, honest dialogue is the only way to find out what the problem is here. Without talking to you both it's impossible for me to say exactly what's wrong, but if you're having difficulties in your relationship, often the first place where cracks begin to appear are in the bedroom.

    As you're so precise about the date your sex life started dwindling - and it's recent, rather than your sex life gradually becoming boring or predictable - it seems likely that there is a specific reason or event behind this.

    Your partner could be nursing a grievance - anger is one of the biggest desire dampeners, and feeling frustrated or irritated with your loved one makes it very difficult to be intimate together. Unresolved conflicts between couples can often make one partner hold back and withdraw sex - consciously or subconsciously.

    Or the problem may be nothing to do with you at all - he could be suffering from a confidence crisis or feeling anxious about something at work, which could easily affect his libido. Has he recently started taking any medication, such as antihistamines, antidepressants, diabetic prescriptions or blood pressure pills? These can all dampen his sex drive and ability to become erect. Or is he drinking/smoking/eating too much without getting any exercise? These won't do his mojo any favours either.

    Try to communicate as sensitively, but truthfully, as you can with each other. A valuable tip about talking things through is to pick your moment carefully, it's also easier to discuss sex outside of the bedroom - maybe take a walk together to diffuse the possibility of things getting too emotional or confrontational. Whatever you do, listen with empathy, and try not to judge (or interrupt!).

    It's vital that you talk about what's happening, as feeling rejected sexually can lead to resentment towards your partner. If you feel you need some help sorting things out, then consider seeking help from an organisation like Relate - they offer advice, relationship counselling, sex therapy and workshops. Find your nearest branch by calling 0300 100 1234.

    The Greatest Sex Tips in the WorldRefreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

    Comments (2)

    • caz: June 29, 2009 22:29
      my boyfriend can gain an erection and keep it for ages but whatever I do I can't make him orgasm. We've been together for nearly 3 years and he seems to get to a stage where he's hard but can't orgasm.He says it's ok but I would love to make him climax. He sometimes tries masturbating but even then he gets to a stage where as he says 'the feeling just passes' He doesn't have a high sex drive and is happy to go several weeks unless I hint! I try not to make a big deal of it but he's 44 not 84 and I enjoy sex! and have never had this problem before.
    • LoveHoney - Carly: June 30, 2009 09:48
      If you would like Julie to answer your question, please feel to send them to her directly using this form: www.lovehoney.co.uk/julie-peasgood/ask-julie/

      Unfortunately, Julie doesn't have time to check all the comments on her threads but if you send your question in, she may feature it on her blog in the future!

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