• My wife (of 19 years) and I would like to know more about talking dirty. What do you suggest?

    My wife (of 19 years) and I would like to know more about talking dirty. What do you suggest?

    Talking dirty during sex can be a fantastic turn-on, and communicating with your partner about what specifically arouses you will bring you both closer.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I'm a married man in my forties. My wife and I have been together for 19 years and we have an amazing sex life. We'd like to improve even further.

    We use sexy dirty talk during sex and would like to know more about this powerful tool - and especially expand on our dirty talk vocabulary.

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    Talking dirty during sex can be a fantastic turn-on, and communicating with your partner about what specifically arouses you will bring you both closer, and take your sex life up a notch.

    Hearing your own voice describe exactly how you like to be touched is also an instant turn-on, as is complementing your actions with an erotic 'running commentary' on all the wicked, depraved things you're doing...

    If you need some inspiration, try reading erotic stories or looking at porn to get you going. It's perfectly acceptable to plagiarise! The Big Book of Filth, published by Cassell, also has 6,500 slang words and phrases (should help to expand your vocabulary a little!)

    You could also try talking dirty on the phone. Experiment with taking on a different character, imagine you've got the wrong number and just let go... (it's much easier when you're pretending to be someone else). To get each other in the mood, try whispering dirty nothings in your partner's ear in a very public place - by the time you're both home you'll be desperate to get each others clothes off.

    To really up the ante - practise! Do it while you masturbate - imagine that your partner is there and talk erotically to them. With no holds barred, you're far more likely to describe exactly what turns you on and feel confident when you eventually say it to your wife.

    And if you talk dirty often enough, then certain words and phrases can easily become a catalyst or trigger, to speed both arousal and climax... just think Pavlov's dogs!

    Comments (6)

    • nick: May 22, 2009 21:26

      i totaly agree with julie. my wife and i have been married for over twenty years now and we have a very active sex life together even after all these years.because we try and bring new things into our bedroom life. dirty talk has played a large part of it and to here my wife talking dirty is a turn on for me.as normaly she would not say some of those words in every day use.so yes dirty talk can be a turn on for both partners
    • alan huggett: May 26, 2009 23:48
      you can also use your phone to talk dirty to your partner. when you are apart tell him what you would like to do to him like when he is down the pub with friends. he will rush back i think.......that is fun i do that sort of thing with my wife.
    • marie: May 28, 2009 00:18
      if u are a little unsure or even shy to do the talkin straight away try txting 1st its an amazing turn on and lots easier to describe wot u like or wot u want to do, you'll be ripping each others clothes off the minute yr alone x
    • Jonathan: May 30, 2009 21:30
      Hi, my name is jonathan and i am 47 years old and have been seperated from my wife mary 46 for 2 years now. We were married for 20 years but the flame of passion in our relationship burnt out. We have two children - Lisa 22 and Chrisitan 18. I have recently been having sex with mary one off's for about a month spontainiously. It was been great and the sex has been unthinkable but recently i have been wondering where do i go from here and why? I still love my wife and always have but i don't think she still loves me. What can i do. Thanks - Jonathan.
    • Lisa: January 31, 2010 01:51
      My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and for that whole time I've been trying to learn or understand what specifically turns him on verbally because he is the opposite of a premature ejaculator. When I try to give him hand-jobs or oral sex or even just foreplay for sex, it can take FOREVER... By talking with him, I know that stimulation needs to be verbal as well as physical, but I just can't get the hang of what he likes. I always seem to get it wrong with the wrong semantics or tone.Or if I do manage to find some phrases, its not enough to get us through orgasm. Its been so long of me trying to get this right that its to a point now he almost always ends up frustrated and angry. We don't have money for me to buy books or toys. What else can I do? It's getting to the point thata I feel like if I can't figure this out soon, our marriage will fall apart.
    • LoveHoney - Carly: February 01, 2010 14:13
      Hi Lisa,

      Why not try watching an erotic movie with your partner? It doesn't have to be top shelf porn, there are lots of saucy 18 rated films out there with very sexy dialogue. This way, he gets the verbal encouragement he needs and it takes the pressure of you too!

      Alternatively, if you're not keen on having a frisky film playing in the background, you could browse online together for free sexy stories (there are some great ones on LoveHoney here: www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/erotic-fiction/) that you both enjoy and then read them to him whilst you get down and dirty. The words will be right there in front of you and choosing a story together means that you will easily find out what exactly he likes.

      Hope this information helps!
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