• My partner and I have trouble achieving orgasms. What can we do?

    My partner and I have trouble achieving orgasms. What can we do?

    Firstly, you're not alone - so please don't worry. There are so many variables that affect whether or not a women can orgasm - we're a lot more complex than men when it comes to climaxing.


    Question for JulieQuestion:

    I have recently been having a problem achieving an orgasm. This has never happened before.

    I can't come while masturbating, nor can I with my partner of several years. We are both frustrated with this and can't seem to figure out what the problem may be.

    Julie Answers...Julie Says:

    Firstly, you're not alone - so please don't worry. There are so many variables that affect whether or not a women can orgasm - we're a lot more complex than men when it comes to climaxing, and unfortunately we don't share their 'orgasmic inevitability'.

    If you're feeling tired or run-down, the body's priority is sleep and recovery, not sexual gratification. Also medications, such as anti-depressants and even the Pill, can reduce your sex drive or make it harder to come.

    As you've never had a problem before though, I think this is more likely to be a psychological problem than a physical one. First consider if there are any issues - personal or partnership - that are a source of anxiety or irritation for you at the moment, as this could possibly be influencing things.

    Try and be honest with yourself, and if there is anything preying on your mind, share it and do what you can to resolve it. Did anything happen around the time that you last achieved orgasm that could subconsciously be affecting you now?

    Physically, rather than focusing solely on an orgasm as the end result, try to relax, breathe deeply, remove any pressure to perform - and spend some solo time figuring out what really turns you on. You could try reading some erotic stories - Lovehoney have their online bookclub and also stock a great selection including Black Lace and Xcite Books.

    Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet VibratorI'd recommend trying a vibrator designed specifically for clitoral stimulation rather than penetration; Tracey Cox's Supersex Bullet or the Mantric Dinky Pink are both excellent. Also, you could watch some porn made by women for women, showing the film from the female point of view - Anna Span specialises in this.

    Escape into your favourite fantasy, clear your head of distractions, make sure you won't be disturbed and focus on some self-love - most importantly, take your time. Rhythmically squeezing then relaxing your pelvic floor (Kegel) muscles will also aid the process. Once you let go and stop worrying about having an orgasm, the likelihood is that everything will soon return to normal.

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