Every week, we here at LoveHoney get a deluge of sample products that leave a lot to be desired.
Occasionally we get an erotic book sample that is so astoundingly strange that we don't even want to give it away in our free sex toys giveaways!
Here are the top ten porn books that we don't stock but definitely made us look twice.
Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen Based Recipes
No. Just no.
Hilarious book created to warn and educate the public about sexually transmitted diseases? No, just a book about sick snakes. Not even a brief mention of the trouser variety.
Pornogami - A Guide To The Ancient Art of Paper Folding
Something has to be seriously lacking in your life for you to feel the need to model sheets of paper into the shape of genitals.
Furry - The Best Anthropomorphic Fiction Ever!
For those not in the know, Furries are people who like to wear animal costumes and rub against each other in a sexual way. Generally furries aren't fussy on who they rub against - you can sometimes see dolphins humping tigers.
That is a sentence I thought I'd never have to type.
The Big Colouring Book of Cocks
I'm not going to lie; I own both crayons and felt tips that are just begging to be used on a book like this!
But seriously, once you've coloured in one cock, you've coloured in them all.
Seriously, most guys would be lucky to find the G-spot during sexy fun time, don't be distracting them with a voyage to find God as well!
"A collection of Latin American gay fiction" - that's quite a specific audience you are appealing to there and unfortunately, I don't think LoveHoney reaches quite that far yet.
What a lovely discreet cover too!
The Mystery Method - The Foolproof Way To Get Any Woman You Want Into Bed
If you buy this book and attempt to use any of the techniques in it, I can guarantee you won't get any woman in bed. I may write a follow up book called "The Go Away Method - We've Heard It All Before And My Panties Are Firmly Staying On".
Cock and Ball Torture In A Nutshell
Oh... OH! See what they did there?! With the name? That's clever that is...
The cover is full of win too, especially as the free DVD has been carefully positioned to hide any trussed up testicles.
Getting Your Wife or Girlfriend To Have A Threesome
There are literally hundreds of books about threesomes but most of them deal with the female-male-female threesome. I have yet to come across one called "convincing your boyfriend that being in the same room as another man's naked penis isn't gay".
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