An Exceptional Extract from Tracey Cox Kama Sutra!
Tracey Cox's writing style is unique and captivating. Throughout Tracey Cox Kama Sutra, she laces the book with short informative sections on very specific topics.
Here is an extract from the section called The Bonkers Bits - a collection of the gloriously politically incorrect ways to run your love life, according to the Kama Sutra:
Ok, this isn't strictly about sex but anyone who reads the Kama Sutra can't help but let out the odd stunned guffaw at a lot of the advice. Yes, it probably all made sense 2000 years ago but today it's either so politically incorrect or downright unbelievable, it's hilarious. I couldn't resist sharing. This is a mere taster of the funny bits.
Get him back... by turning yourself into a cow
So here's the deal: you're a deserted wife, so you cast a spell to get your husband back. Instead of using today's tactics (lose shedloads of weight, buy a killer black dress and be seen out with a toyboy), you instead pray to a sacred cow causing hubby to have a dream of a cow with your face superimposed on it. Instead of seeing the irony ("She really was a cow!"), he sees your beauty 'anew'. Rushing home, he embraces you so ardently you almost suffocate. But this is a good thing. You're both so turned on, you have make-up sex - aptly titled (given the cow connection) 'churning the milk' - which involves him 'turning his penis around inside your delicious vagina'.
Choose a wife
And, if you're choosing a wife, check she's got no 'hidden' faults - a hook nose, upturned nostrils, male genitalia (!) or crooked thighs. And if you're looking for a woman with real standing, you'd be well advised to avoid taking a wife and instead opt for a courtesan (posh prostitute). Courtesans were the only women who enjoyed financial and social independence and were acknowledged as being clever, witty, interesting and talented. They often equalled the powerful men who sought them.
Make a magic potion
Using common ingredients everyone has in their kitchen cupboard (not), these concoctions were suggested to cure the following:
To enlarge a penis - rub it with the bristles of certain insects, then for 10 nights rub it with oil, followed by another treatment of the bristly insects. After this, (not surprisingly) your "lingam" will be so swollen you'll have to lie down and let it hang through a hole in the bed (what? Your bed doesn't have a handy hold in it?). You then massage it with cooling ointments. After the pain disappears (and if you still fancy a bit after all this rigmarole), you'll find the swelling remains. Now, if only you could find the girl you'd planned to bed all those weeks before...
To turn an ugly person into a magnetic beauty - you know the story; they're either ugly and interesting or gorgeous and dull. Happily, here's a simple solution: secretly get them to eat the pollen of the blue lotus with ghee and honey or tie a gilded peacock or hyena to their right hand. There! Problem solved!