• Reader Tips: Using masturbation practice to overcome one of the barriers to the simultaneous O.

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    Using masturbation practice to overcome one of the barriers to the simultaneous O.

    One of the reasons women tell me they miss when it comes to being able to orgasm simultaneously with their partners is simply that there is a range of different types of stimulation all coming at once and therefore it is very difficult to concentrate on actually cumming.

    If you are aiming for simultaneous orgasm you cannot take away the thrusting or you'll probably miss it for the man.

    And for the woman often the main stimuli driving them towards orgasm are the clitoral stimulation, their pulsing muscles, the intimacy of body contact, breast play, eye contact, mental fantasy etc.

    So there is often a situation where it is inappropriate to give up any of those stimuli if you want her to climax at the same time as him.

    I'm sorry to put the onus on women even more but taking responsibility for your own orgasms should be second nature by now. The only cure is educating our bodies to cope with the multiple stimuli.

    To that end we need to train our pelvic floor to be under our control under a variety of situations and in circumstances where there are multiple stimuli. We need to make our pelvic floor contractions a brain stem activity we can do without interrupting our mental fantasies.

    Remember when learning to drive you had to think about everything you were doing, yet now you make journeys and you're unaware of driving at all. Your conscious brain was elsewhere and your brain stem drove you home. We want our conscious brain to take our fantasies to an orgasmic level while our brain stem drives our bodies there.

    Obviously we already exercise our pc muscles but when strengthening them we tend to use the same exercises in the same way every time.

    Using the lift stopping at different floors technique is useful. Hold the muscles in to get to the first floor, tighter to get to second floor, tighter still for the third floor, then release slightly down to the second floor, more back down to fist then relax back down to ground level. (I know women who claim to have a skyscraper going up to five floors.)

    If you exercise your pc muscles in a variety of different circumstances you can learn to control them no matter what else is going on.

    On a long journey, while sitting in the passenger seat it is easy to squeeze those muscles but doing it while you are actually driving requires a greater ability to physically multitask.

    Squeezing on something improves the muscle definition faster but practising with nothing inside can give you better control. It is also useful to practice while you are taking other forms of exercise – pilates is eminently suitable for combining with pc exercises.

    Exercising using a dildo or vibrator.

    Not all of us want to buy expensive kegel exercisers but we can still try a variety of exercises against different levels of resistance.

    Try starting with solid plastic or glass and vary the pressure needed by using a softer jelly type progress to exercise your muscles against his erection while he stays still. It is also worth remembering when using your favourite vibe to exercise with the buzz off as well as on and trying to stay in control and keep counting your pulses even as you stimulate your clit.

    Tracey Cox in her and Michael Alvear's book. The Sex Inspectors Master Class states: "It's impossible to have a successful orgasm when you are holding your stomach in." Practice trying to prove them wrong (not while having sex – that would be too disappointing) - try to hold your stomach in while you are doing your pc exercises.

    With luck you'll have a pc muscle so strong you'll be able to rhythmically squeeze him to climax without him thrusting at all.

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