• "Ask Birdie..." Not getting enough sex makes me fight

    Ask Birdie...

    Oh, Sex Toys. So tempting, but how do you know what to buy? What works? What doesn't? What is even OUT THERE to try? You have questions, I have answers (most of the time...)

    Dear McBirdie,

    A problem here. My boyfriend and I have sex once a week (rarely twice). Well, although he is very nice to me, it's just not enough. I get sexually frustrated on day 3 and cannot stop but pick little fights about things that bother me a little. Getting my frustration out this way seems to help in a sick way.

    I tried all the hot games with him. It does not work. He is just comfortable the way things are. And, yes, he is aware I want more sex. He says: "We are working on it. But my little fights kill his mood.

    The thing is if we had more sex I would not fight EVER. What should I do?

    Thank you,


    Dear Frustrated,

    Oh, I hear you on this one.  I, too, get all sorts of fighty when I'm not getting enough action in bed - as one man put it, getting laid tends to "take the edge off" my personality.  But it is a terrible loop to find yourself in - you don't get the sex you want right when you want it, you pick a fight, you don't get the sex you wanted...on and on until you hardly know what to do with yourself.

    A genuine sex drive disparity between partners is a real problem that has to be sorted out carefully and with sensitivity - as I've said before, there are ways to make up the shortfall, but it really does require not only that your partner have a desire to help keep you satisfied, but also that you understand how this disparity can make him feel.  No man likes to hear how he isn't up to snuff in handling his woman's bedroom needs, and picking fights over it will only make it worse.  As much as I wish it wasn't the case... people don't tend to do what you want them to do just because you shout at them.  Not that I haven't tried.

    What you need to do, though, is break the pattern.  And the easiest way to do that is to take the edge off your personality yourself.  Sure, masturbation isn't anywhere as fun or satisfying as a roll in the sack with your partner, but needs must.  And it really can be a whole new arena of enjoyment.  If nothing else, you can be sure of an orgasm every night - and that can be just what you need to help you bite your tongue in the future, so your man feels more like helping you out.  Win-win, no?

    I talk about some great things to try on your own in my 5 Ways to Make the Most of Singledom blog.  Do remember, though - you are masturbating because it feels good and you want to take the pressure off of your relationship and your man.  DO NOT make heavy sighs and tell your partner that you're doing this because he isn't satisfying you, alright?  Let him know that you're happy for him to join in any time, but until then, you just want to be nicer to him.  And then be nicer to him.
    Good luck.

    Add a comment
    1. Yes, please! Email me when there are more comments after mine
    2. We need to ask you a question to prove you're a human because evil spam computers keep abusing our form!