• "Ask Birdie..." How Can I Get My Partner to Try a Lube?

    Ask Birdie...

    Oh, Sex Toys. So tempting, but how do you know what to buy? What works? What doesn't? What is even OUT THERE to try? You have questions, I have answers (most of the time...)

    Dear McBirdie,

    I have have lately been in situations where additional lubrication would have increased the enjoyment of sex. How do I introduce lubes and other sexual aids to relatively new relationships?

    Also do you have a recommendation for an all purpose lube?

    Kind regards,


    Dear Confusesed,

    It is amazing, considering how much sex can be improved by adding a lubricant, just how shy people can be about it.  Unfortunately, in the same way that men don't like to have their ability to get and sustain erections called into question by their partner breaking out a cock ring without warning, so too can women feel embarrassed by needing an additional lube.  Where you might just be thinking simply, "It's better wetter, she isn't so very wet, we'll both enjoy this lube," she can be feeling ashamed of her inability to get wet enough - think of all the porn you've seen where the man grunts in amazed gratitude, "baby, you're SO wet" - we know you like it wet and not being able to do it can make us feel uncomfortable.

    Luckily, there are ways around this.  Like with all sex toys and aids, the key element is a sense of relaxed fun.  In the same way you would want her to introduce something like a cock ring, take the same approach with her.  Consider first trying something that is very different, like a tingling lube, or a warming lube--that makes it less about what she isn't doing for you, and more about adding something for the both of you.  From there, you can easily segue into a "honey, the tingle was so much fun, why don't we see what the non-tingling version feels like?"  You can also do this in conjunction with adding other toys - no one would try anal toys without adding lube (at least I hope they wouldn't), for example, or if you wanted to try a vibrator on her, it is very easy to use a lube at the same time.  In this way, lubes become a natural part of the bedroom routine.

    So long as you avoid being accusatory or judgemental - even in a joking way! - you'll do just fine.  Remember that no woman wants to hear about how she isn't getting as wet as she used to, or heaven forbid, as wet as other women you used to be with.  Let her know that you're looking for an extra sensation for the BOTH of you, and you'll be in there wetter.

    For an all-purpose lube, look for a water-based lube - you can use these with all toys and with condoms.  I really like ID Glide, but you can see other people's favourites here.

    Comments (1)

    • Tight: December 08, 2007 21:38
      I really like the look and idea of the 'waver' rabbit... but it just looks a bit too big... I saw from the reviews that a few other people thought the same and I just wondered if a 'mini' version would be in the pipeline?
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