• "Ask Birdie..." I Need Something More Than Toys!

    Ask Birdie...

    Oh, Sex Toys. So tempting, but how do you know what to buy? What works? What doesn't? What is even OUT THERE to try? You have questions, I have answers (most of the time...)

    Dear Birdie,

    So much of what you see about 'sex' and 'sexiness' seems to focus on the raw physicality of the act and tarting it up at all hours and on all occasions. I can appreciate that these elements do have their place at times but surely there are some more inspirational approaches out there to mingle in my headspace?

    This Aussie Needs More


    I really like this question, Aussie, because I think that with this being a sex toys blog and housed on a sex toys site, that people start getting the impression that we think that toys are the be all and end all for revving up your sex life. And to be honest, that's not how I feel. I love toys - I think I couldn't even keep a straight face if I tried to say that I don't--but I also think that toys should be enhancements, not the foundation.

    If you go into sex thinking that you need props in order to have good sex, I think you might temporarily spice things up, but it won't be long before you're back to the same old, same old. Because sex is more than just what you do or what you do it with, it is how you feel and think while you're doing it. Reconnecting with your partner is far more important than anything that runs on C batteries. All things have their place, but if you're struggling to tune into your partner at all, then I think throwing a double-sided dildo into the mix is only going to make you feel more disconnected. It's a funny thing, sex.

    What I would suggest for you is that you use your introspective streak to find new ways of thinking about sex. Rather than looking for techniques that serve only to "tart" things up a bit, try discovering whole new philosophies. I think you might enjoy taking a look at Tantric Love. I'm not suggesting that you try to take on an entirely new philosophy of sex, but taking the time to step out of your normal routine might be just the sort of thing you need to get fully engaged in your headspace.

    You also might get something out of John Gray's Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. While his Mars and Venus line of books is not always what I would call...fully sound... it can be an eye-opening experience to read about things from someone else's perspective, as he tries to explain what men (and women) want from their sex lives. Even if he is off the mark of what your partner actually wants and is trying to communicate, you might find that discovering just how he is off the mark will be enough to get you thinking in the right direction.

    I think you're on to a good thing here - knowing that good sex stems from the mind is the first big step. Now you just need to go exploring a bit. To help you out, check back in on Tuesday for a list of items that might help you connect a bit more with your partner.

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