• "Honey, I was thinking..." How to Bring Toys Into Your Bedroom - Part II

    Take it Slow

    As I mentioned last Friday, I'm going to spend a couple of Fridays talking about how to introduce sex toys into your sex life with your partner.

    Sex toys have a bit of a reputation as being solo-only gadgets. Things that people use when they need to masturbate - often they are thought of as being what you use when you don't have anything better to hand... be that because you're alone or because your partner isn't pushing your buttons. There is some truth to that, of course. Heaven knows my toys get put through their paces when I'm on my own. But it also does you and your toys a disservice - toys can be used to bring greater satisfaction to partners, as well.

    So you've been thinking about it... what's the first thing to keep in mind when pondering how to bring up toys with your partner for the first time?


    Start small.


    Rome was not built in a day, peeps. Remember that just because you have been thinking about this for a long time and you're raring to go, that does not mean your partner has. If you scare them off now with some super-charged, triple-pronged, chain-saw motored Serious Adult Toy, you may never get them back on board. Almost every range of toys that you might be interested in will have a beginner's item. Those are your best bets when considering surprise gifts to give to your partner. For example, say you want to try some bondage:

    Rather than leaping right into the Leather Collar and Cuffs Set, try something more approachable and adaptable like the very popular Bondage Tape. It is far less intimidating and doesn't evoke the old flight response in the same way.

    Thinking about bringing in a vibrator? Try something like the Lady Lustfinger Mini Vibrator or a completely un-tawdry looking Synergy Pleasure System. These are toys that are clearly meant to be additions to your sex life, not the main event. That can make all the difference in the world when your partner has concerns about being replaced. While the Rabbit line is well known - and rightfully so - that big of a toy can make grown men cry if you bring it out without preparing them, and for women who aren't used to toys, it can be over-powering.

    Wanting to step into the world of anal play can be an exciting, but dangerous place - not everyone is as gung-ho about stimulating that area, so it is best to proceed with caution. You may want to make sure you've done some foundation work here by already having your partner comfortable with you using your hands and mouth on them (or on you, if you're hoping to receive). Perhaps more than any other category, this is the toy category where it will help you to be realistic, sensitive, and sensible.

    If you or your partner have never played with penetrative anal sex before, trying to use a larger toy is just going to cause the kind of discomfort that is going to get doors slammed for awhile. Far better to try something a bit cuter, like the Fun Factory Flexi Felix Silicone Anal Beads - never underestimate the power of a cute face when someone's ass is involved. The beads are also small and soft enough to be very user friendly.

    If you worry that there is no toy small enough, or with a cute enough look on its little silicone face to be accepted by your partner, don't give up hope. Half the battle in bringing toys into the bedroom is getting over that first hurdle of having something there that isn't just two naked bodies. So start very small. Try a flavoured lube like WET Flavoured Lube 8 Pack, or a soft feather to tickle their fancy like the Feather Kisses, or even something as simple as a His and Hers Blindfold set.

    The point is to remember that there is no hurry - you're trying to build up a fun, adventurous sex life with someone that will last you longer than one night. So take your time, start small, and let your partner get just as excited as you.

    Did you miss the Introduction?

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