Put the sizzle back in your sex life
If you're one of the lucky people blessed with an amazing relationship and an extremely fulfilling sex life, don't read this. For the rest of you who, like me, have been in a relationship where sex with your long-term partner seems like more of a chore than something to make your toes curl, read on...
A few years back I was dating this really sexy Canadian guy who was working in London. After about two years together our sex life was getting really stale; we knew what positions we liked and what turned each other on, which was great on one hand, but on the other hand our sex sessions were predictable, quick and uneventful.
Predictability lead to lack of enthusiasm, lack of enthusiasm lead to sexual boredom and sexual boredom lead to a continual desire to slither out of his grasp whenever he tried to make an advance. It wasn't that I didn't fancy him – he was incredibly sexy – it was just the simple fact that our sex life had taken such a nosedive that it seemed like too much hard work to claw it back.
Instead of working toward getting our relationship back on track, my ex and I packed it in and went our separate ways. It was more my decision than his, but I was young and felt as though if we were bored after only two years together, then what chance would we have 5, 10, 15 years down the line?
I'm older now and, with the beauty of hindsight, there were tons of things we could have done to get our sex life back to being as spontaneous, exciting and inventive as it was when we first started dating. So if you're in a similar position but want to make it work with your man instead of throwing your relationship away, here's five simple steps to help put the sizzle back in your sex life:
Talk, talk, talk
Take a deep breath, open your mouth and talk to your man about how you're feeling and about what you think you can both do to improve your sex life. Try to avoid using negative or 'blaming' language, which will only put your man on the defensive and lead to an argument, but at the same time make it clear that it will take both of you to get your sex life back on track.
You'll be surprised how relaxed both of you will feel after clearing the air. Chances are your man is feeling the same way as you but doesn't know how to broach the subject, so do both of you a favour and make the first move to express your feelings.
Don't have sex!
Whatever you do, don't force yourself or your man to have sex. If you haven't done anything erotic in a long time, the last thing you should do is 'make' yourself, as this will only build resentment in you and make him feel as though nothing is wrong. In effect, you'll be creating confusion instead of solving the issues you already have.
Take time out to just lie in bed with each other, catching up on sleep or even reading a book. You need time to hang out together without the mental pressure of feeling as though you should be giving him head, fucking him, sitting on his face... Being in bed without any sexual expectations is a great way to build a bridge between you and your partner, eventually helping both of you to feel erotic in each other's company again.
Shave your legs
When sex is the last thing on your mind, chances are you're wearing big pants six days out of seven, your once hardcore beauty regime is now a quick patch-up job on the weekend and your bedwear extends to a pair of comfy PJs and an old t-shirt.
In order to be sexy, you need to feel sexy. Ditching the moth-eaten pyjamas, shaving your legs and setting up your own private beauty camp in the bathroom will make you feel feminine and attractive. Your man won't be able to keep his hands off your satin smooth skin, you'll feel desired and your libido will start to rise and rise and rise!