• When threesomes go wrong...

    I'm back in the UK, I'm knackered, I'm sunburnt, I'm hungover and I've blown my holiday spending budget. To top it all off, I'm feeling regretful, embarrassed and as though I want to dig a big hole and bury myself in it.

    My date with Sasha and her husband was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. And I've made plenty of mistakes in my short time on this earth...

    Dressed in my cute printed dress from Mango and a pair of Aldo platforms, I thought it if I walked the 10-minutes to the nearby hotel where Sasha's husband had booked a room, it would help calm my nerves and head-off my overwhelming sense of anticipation. First mistake of the night: throbbing feet and painful blisters does not make one feel sexy.


    As I entered the hotel lobby, I was shocked to find Sasha's husband sitting there alone. Sasha was running late and had suggested that her husband and I meet for cocktails in the hotel bar while we waited for her. After two Mai Thai's and another Miss Pink (my new favourite cocktail), I was feeling quite tipsy and decided to tell Sasha's husband – who's name I now know as Jeremy – all about our University fling. Second mistake of the night: never tell an ex-girlfriend's new husband about the hot sex you had in university, especially considering how their sex life is tepid at best.

    Jeremy didn't seem impressed, especially when I told him that Sash would get visibly horny every time we ate out at a restaurant. Apparently, the most adventurous Sash gets in a restaurant with Jeremy is stroking his hand briefly when it's time for the bill to be settled. Moving on swiftly...

    By the time we started our fourth cocktail, Jeremy was seething and sulking in his leather chair. I was just about to settle my half of the cocktail bill and walk out when Sash breezed in. Holy shit! She's still the sexiest woman I have ever seen. She wore a black, backless halterneck top and tight white jeans with wedges. From the nipple action going on underneath her silk top, it was easy to guess she was going 'commando.'

    Sash didn't sit down with us, but instead put money down on the table for our cocktail bill and told us to both follow her up to the room in 10 minutes. She was still the bossy bitch I lusted after. Jeremy caught me daydreaming as I watched Sasha's tiny ass walk into the lift, and he looked anything but turned on by it. I should have known then that this 'threesome' was probably a bad idea, but the temptation of being with Sash again was too much. Third mistake of the night: don't ogle your ex-girlfriend's ass in front of her obscenely jealous husband.

    10 minutes later, and Jeremy and I were standing quietly in the lift, watching the numbers pass by as we ascended to the room where Sasha was waiting. I tried to change tack with Jeremy and slipped my hand around his waist, only for him to walk out of the lift briskly without a thought of waiting for me. As I tried to catch up with him as we walked the length of the hotel floor corridor, I could sense him picking up the pace as though he wanted to get in the room first; like it was some kind of competition. My feet were in too much pain to argue, so I let him carry on ahead of me. Chivalry must be dead.

    By the time I got to the room, the door was open and Jeremy was grasping Sash by the arm, looking extremely angered and red in the face. I took one look at Sash to know that this threesome wasn't going to happen. I reasoned with Jeremy that my fling with Sash was in the past and that she was married to him now and us, meeting in the hotel room together, was just a bit of fun. If we had anything to hide, Jeremy wouldn't have even known about it.

    This seemed to calm him down, and I was desperate to get out of my platforms and let my bare feet sink into the plush carpet, so I took my shoes off and sat down on the sofa. I was feeling drunk and miserable, so when Sash came over and handed me a strong G n' T I thought, 'Why the hell not?' and gulped it back.

    Eventually the three of us started chatting and Jeremy began laughing along with us, so I had the brain wave of playing strip poker.

    Several drinks later and we were all in our underwear, apart from Sash who had nothing on. She had lost the game and was sitting on the bedroom carpet bearing her pert, berry-red nipples and trimmed pussy. Jeremy was drunk and too horny to even notice me staring Sasha straight in the eyes. I couldn't take it any longer, and I lunged at her and kissed her hard on the mouth until she pushed me backward, spilling drink everywhere as we toppled. She started tearing at my dress as I pulled her hair and scratched my nails down her back. She tilted her head backwards and let out a loud groan; pain and pleasure is a heady mix.

    With both of us writhing around on the carpet floor, Sasha's fingers in my pussy and my mouth clamped around her nipple, I heard something move behind me. Obviously Jeremy was trying to make some kind of move to get in on the action, despite being horrendously drunk. Whatever, I didn't care what he was doing. I needed her pussy in my mouth and I wanted her to suck mine, so I shifted my position and sat on her face as I buried mine into her soaking cunt. Fuck, she tasted good. My face was awash with her juices and I swear we were both on course to come at the same time. I could feel her body writhing beneath me, but the next thing I felt was my hair being pulled from a different direction.

    It was Jeremy. I thought he was trying to flip me over to fuck me senseless and get one over on Sash, but he was actually dragging me towards the bedroom door and out into the corridor. I couldn't believe it! OK, so Sash and I had been a little selfish with our so-called 'threesome,' but this was a bit much. I couldn't really tell what was going on, but I remember Sash standing infront of the door and telling Jeremy that if he threw me out, she was going too.

    Five minutes later, Sash and I were sitting in the hotel bar, half-dressed, drunk as fools and laughing about what had just happened. We walked back to our resort and I listened as Sash said this is what she had been waiting for; a wake-up call to make her realise just how unhappy she has been with Jeremy. We sat up all night talking – nothing else – and fell asleep in each other's arms.

    I didn't see much of either Sash or Jeremy for the remainder of the holiday; instead I hung out with the rest of the group, went on a jet ski, did some horse riding and soaked up what sun was left.

    And now I'm back home. Sash and Jeremy want to come up and see me next month. They have talked extensively about what happened that night, and how neglected they have both been feeling with one another, and how they want to give it another shot. Only thing is, Jeremy wants to try his hand again at a threesome, which is why I'm assuming they want to call in on me next month. It's such a shame I'll be out of town...

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